these few days. i wake up and on my way to school. or just somewhere when i'm alone.
i'm always reminded of him. and this time in a very negative manner.
it's as thou i wake up to realise how untolerable his behaviour was. how much anger in me that wants to smack him. how irritated i am for allowing him to come in and out of my life like that. how like if he wants to talk now, i probably would want to sing him the song "too little, too late." how he cannot even compensate for even one inch of hurt he gave. how i wished i never had to meet a person like him.
i am not too sure am i more irritated with myself or him.
and when i see him it's just uncovering hurt that wasn't necessary at all.
in times like this i often wonder is it because i liked him too much in the first place that feelings like tt are occuring. but it's just this mental unstability that's getting me out of hand.
yet in all this is the underlying fact i dun wan him to know. it's like. if i help him one day and he says thanks. i'll ignore.
i think i'm going bonkers. and in tune with my new special fren... that i refuse to admit it's liking because i REALLY only feel it part timely and he's probably more absorbed in his studies which makes me just dun wan to bring up things as such 'coz at this point it just seems so redundant. but of 'coz we're nowhere at any stage of anything.
juan keeps saying i can't live without a guy. i say no. nononononono.
i need peace and tanquility more.
and more than that. i need someone who's nice to me. some person i feel real to.
charon