End of episode
Samstag, Oktober 29, 2005
cHaRoN posted at 10:07 AM
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comment
Terrible ending. He told me straight in my face he likes someone else and the person likes him too. He must be living in bliss all the time to even realise the obvious hints I've been dropping. Oh well... It's God speaking. I think I know I should back away now.
Lucky girl to have won his heart. Lucky me to have seen God's heart!
Pride killed me for a few days... 'coz was like installing wc3 that day, thinking we could play together and also I want to play this new version tt will reacap my primary school days of playing wc1. Then somemore was all along dreaming and hoping to see him play the guitar...for me. haha. goner. And his discipler even and his gf even came to see my profile...made me think sooo much...
Hopes set too high, falling hurts too much.
Trying to think back was it a scam to stop me from irritating him whole time, or was it to test that I like him by responding so insensitively blur.
But...cy says:" cold hard facts." Well I was reluctant to give up like that more than I was upset, but God showed me once and again with friends and his lukewarm attitude online that it is not going to work out anyway... unless God allows. Still hanging there, not sure if holding on.
Not wanting to talk to him that often anymore. Not wanting to explain.
Anyways, remembered: What God cannot give, He will take away.Folks... just to let u all appreciate 'the funny conversation':
marshmellow. says:
heyjohnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
supmarshmellow. says:
reign of chaos and frozen throne what's the diff
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
fz is the expansion
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
dota mus use fz
marshmellow. says:
okay...
marshmellow. says:
i just started playing lar...
marshmellow. says:
but hor...got prob with the frozen throne cd lar...
marshmellow. says:
so can only play reign of chaosjohnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
ic
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
but regin of chaos
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
and the game i play
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
is different
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
but the controls are the samemarshmellow. says:
different in wad sense...?johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
the game play
marshmellow. says:
aiya...i super blur now... my brother just tell me things halfway then leave....
marshmellow. says:
juts gotta figure out on my own
marshmellow. says:
u playing now arh?johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
nop
marshmellow. says:
haha okay...
marshmellow. says:
eh u ytd very funny hor...
marshmellow. says:
say u brb then offline
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
my comp hang
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
so i gave up
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
then i did nt go back online
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
why?
marshmellow. says:
oh...ok
marshmellow. says:
no lar...
marshmellow. says:
just think very funny mah...
marshmellow. says:
coz i saw the msg 'brb'
marshmellow. says:
then go do something a while...
marshmellow. says:
then u offline le
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
ok
marshmellow. says:
hey
marshmellow. says:
i ask u sth arh
marshmellow. says:
u and daniel good friends arh
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
huh
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
which dan
marshmellow. says:
urm...
marshmellow. says:
the mc for the first day
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
i am his disciple
marshmellow. says:
oh...okies...johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
y
marshmellow. says:
no lar...
marshmellow. says:
coz he got view my profile mah...so i was wondering how he knows...
marshmellow. says:
then his gf also....
marshmellow. says:
haha
marshmellow. says:
btw hor.... i think tt time u gave me the website http://www.megaupload.com/?d=33ZYQ3N2 ...cannot dl
marshmellow. says:
ytd i on my com whole night....
marshmellow. says:
just to realise time out....and not the first time liao lar...so just gave up....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
yeah i thik i cant work le
marshmellow. says:
huh?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
the link
marshmellow. says:
oh okies...
marshmellow. says:
aiya...
marshmellow. says:
eh u really not comfortable talking online one huh....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
no la i am toking to other pp
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
yeah .s.s
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
what up
marshmellow. says:
never mind lar....
marshmellow. says:
u like always super busy to me lar...
marshmellow. says:
must book appointment then can talk...
marshmellow. says:
haha
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
err what u wan to talk to me abt?anything impt?
marshmellow. says:
must have something impt then can talk huh...
marshmellow. says:
then nvm lor...
marshmellow. says:
u go and talk to other ppl lar...johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
uh /
marshmellow. says:
aiya...no mah...u say only got impt things then talk mah...
marshmellow. says:
i dun think got anything very impt and urgent...
marshmellow. says:
btw what's the name of the cell u are in
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
huh i got no name for my cell
marshmellow. says:
ok...
marshmellow. says:
hmmm....
marshmellow. says:
are u talking to a lot of ppl now
marshmellow. says:
...see u reply so long must be...haiz
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
no la only one person
marshmellow. says:
me? haha honoured...johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
uh no
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
and another person
marshmellow. says:
ok
marshmellow. says:
......
marshmellow. says:
hey this pic nice anot....
marshmellow. says:
what does it look like to u
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
a cloud
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
or a dog in a cloud
marshmellow. says:
yeah~ u got it correct!
marshmellow. says:
my friend sees it as a skunk
marshmellow. says:
look like meh...?
marshmellow. says:
the person on the other conversation must be super impt....marshmellow. says:
right?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
erm okae la someone i like frm church
marshmellow. says:
hahaha....
marshmellow. says:
i knew it...
marshmellow. says:
no wonder lar...
marshmellow. says:
for how long already?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
huh what u mean
marshmellow. says:
haiya...i think i got the wrong meaning
marshmellow. says:
forget it....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
??
marshmellow. says:
okies...
marshmellow. says:
i thot it's some special girl u like that is from church...
marshmellow. says:
but it's not right?
marshmellow. says:
right right right?
marshmellow. says:
hahah
marshmellow. says:
i feel so much like laughing today...sorry
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
special girl
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
what u meanmarshmellow. says:
....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
what the diff between special and girl
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
hahasmarshmellow. says:
a girl is special only when u like her more than a friend...u know....
marshmellow. says:
and there is no diff between special and girl....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
yeah i like her more than a friend
marshmellow. says:
aiya...that means yes lar....
marshmellow. says:
so just now i was asking u how long did u like her already
marshmellow. says:
u get?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
oh quite short
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
1 month or more
marshmellow. says:
okies...
marshmellow. says:
does she know?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
yeah i told her
marshmellow. says:
huh...
marshmellow. says:
okay
marshmellow. says:
so how did she respond?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
oh she also like memarshmellow. says:
okay....
marshmellow. says:
hmmm....
marshmellow. says:
tt's
marshmellow. says:
good
marshmellow. says:
yah
marshmellow. says:
i..
marshmellow. says:
er...
marshmellow. says:
wish u well
marshmellow. says:
=)
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
u alright?
marshmellow. says:
no but so wad rite...not impt
marshmellow. says:
aiya.....
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
why u not alright
marshmellow. says:
because u are a cow...hahaha
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
huh?
marshmellow. says:
nothing lar.
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
uh okae
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
so u are okae rite
marshmellow. says:
i duno
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
why dunno
marshmellow. says:
not so alright but dun ask lar... u don't want to know at all
marshmellow. says:
anyways
marshmellow. says:
let's talk abt other thingsjohnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
ok
marshmellow. says:
u talk first...i abit lost now arh
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
erm i now checking out on shares
marshmellow. says:
huh?
marshmellow. says:
u mean stocks?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
ya
marshmellow. says:
u got buy one meh....?
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
nop
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
dad doesmarshmellow. says:
okies....
marshmellow. says:
talking to my friend on the phone just now...
marshmellow. says:
just hung up
marshmellow. says:
yah
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
ok
marshmellow. says:
so...
marshmellow. says:
how's ur dad now....?
marshmellow. says:
is his walk with god closer?johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
nopmarshmellow. says:
okies...
marshmellow. says:
do u think i'll be able to see u play the guitar one day?
marshmellow. says:
brb
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
y u wan to see me playing the guitar
marshmellow. says:
no whys
marshmellow. says:
but it's alright...think i shouldn't have asked...
johnst0n- can u see the wind? says:
okmarshmellow. says:wait...i wanna save the conversation down haha....I'm sorry
Freitag, Oktober 21, 2005
Lord, I feel very sorry that I didn't keep up with my promise. Not only that, I must have broken your heart that I like so didn't trust you and took things into my own hands. I don't want to let go 'coz I really think he is near my ideal, but God, let me remember you are all mighty and you have things under control. I don't want to try to dictate my love life anymore. I end up being more miserable and hurting you. Please forgive me for thinking I can do it on my own. I trust Johnston into your hands. Grant me more than ever faith to carry on this journey of friendship and patience from you that I will come to understand that you have a timing for every purpose. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Silent.
Mittwoch, Oktober 19, 2005
Haiya. Dun wan to write the name already. Everybody knows. Anyway, just really wanted to say that I'm appreciative of the chance god has given me to know and understand you as a friend. Think you are really sweet. Always sending me things I want. Lil' things, but I can see. Maybe it doesn't make u feel anything 'coz you said you're the rational type. haha... I was too.
But I find it difficult to maintain this because we knew each other on a 'nothing' basis; no common friends, no contact or direct communication before, only channel is via msn or mail, which I guess is difficult to even know how you actually are responding. And apparently you are rather busy or away most of the time. And I dun wan to be overly forcing you to reply all the time. So... I was really lost last night not knowing what to say until I felt like giving up. Of course I won't.
But I thought it over, and decided to keep silent instead. Maybe you will start missing me and find me... hahaha. Maybe God will open another channel for us. I decided to wait for God to create his mircale again. =)
So for my silent fast: It should be until 1.11.05
Anticipating Christmas, that white christmas, the love festival, the time where I can get a chance at it again.
Viewers of Moon-daes
Montag, Oktober 17, 2005
Dear all,
Haha...Just writing this blog to tell you guys how priviledged you all are... being the minority few that have a chance to see my life rolling as I write as boldly as I can without hiding my feelings because I know I can trust you all and I won't be affected and dun want to be affected by you all in what I write.
Hmmm... pls note that there should be harmony between all... if anything you want to raise up or disagree with what I or any other viewer say, pls comment or tag...or if worse...just get me...you guys know yea? And try not to leak out what's written here, 'coz it's rather private and it concerns me a lot especially in issues such as my crushes or whatsoever. Yeap. Unless you wanna introduce me to some guy...haha. No lah. ALSO CANNOT K?
Lastly, just enjoy reading...free and easy!
Oh man....How should I describe this horrible day? To start off... it was great. Caught Liting on the mrt timely and had a great chat. However, we were like 50 minutes early in the end?! So meeting 6.45am tml... Then had a lil' quarrel with SL 'coz of mineral water. Haiya... I think I was just tired and not in a good mood, having to wake up so early.
Then went there, on the way, Liting was scolded by YongRu... aiyo. Just a comment to keep quiet but said so harshly and crude. Even if it was me, I would be affected. Realise actually dun need to bring safety boots. Sian...'coz lockers will be allocated to us only 2 weeeks later...(the np and ite students having last 2 weeks so still using).
Lectures, lectures, lectures...entire day leh! Woah... slept a few times lor. Somemore, the food as warned by our other batch, is indeed not nice, somemore expensive, somemore so few variety... So my plans are sandwiches and left-over food from the night before's dinner. yeah =) instant noodles are no-no....unless I really no choice 'coz they are unhealthy. Yep. I'm trying hard to regain my healthy lifestyle. Healthier food, more climbing of stairs.
Guess life is gonna get tougher and tougher. Two entire weeks of lecture. Then when we were there... I feel like this island is really so isolated from singapore in the sense that it is really industrialised all around... Remembered those accidents that we saw on video, and I felt un-safe. A lil' insecure also. It is really like dangerous and I'm like... feel crammy...I dun even know "crammy" as a word exists...but yah. Wanted to reach home so badly.
Routine again tml... count down: 5 weeks and 4 days.
Skating on ice
Samstag, Oktober 15, 2005
Today was really enjoyable... hadn't skate for a long long time... Went with shulin, liting, SL, pauling, alvin and louis. Liting still must tell me very obviously that Louis is coming... But of course... I've already decided I want to focus on Johnston. He's like my ideal... yah.
Well...goodness nothing happened between me and Louis. He didn't even offered to come and hold me by the hand to guide me and I wasn't too keen on allowing such a thing to happen too... We sort of talked together as a group after that, and I got to know more about Louis. Well...I can really say honestly he's not my type 'coz he very naughty when he's young leh!!! No lah...that's not the reason.... he's humorous too. But I'm not attracted.
Fun, Joy, Laughter!
Freitag, Oktober 14, 2005
So much to say... that I can't really think of where to start of. Ok. I finally mustered all my courage and sent the birthday message to Johnston ytd, telling God that if he doesn't reply I will give up. This morning while I woke up especially early just to prepare for my NE presentation and report, I received a message from Johnston! It was certainly amazing. I replied. And off I went to school...
Copied the last part of the tutorial worksheet (1st time...) then went unprepared but heck care attitude, to the room where we were supposed to wait to present. (Actually could have checked if Johnston replied, but nah! Wait on the Lord, and I was afraid to see if he did reply). While waiting, went a little crazy... haha...ran a little, then jumped and lifted two legs, bended, and flicked them up in the air. The feeling of being happy. Got a little nervous after the group finished. But well, everything went well--the expectedly "so-so" job.
Ate at kfc, after that went to AMK arcade... aiyo. It was a crazy frenzy. They started playing with this machine that hooked up sweets or little toys... almost spent $20? So everyone has 4 of the pooh family...except me and SL. I played the dj game...haiya...my forte. Now... cannot make it. Played Time Crisis 3 with Liting... Wah... It was really fun and exciting... Playing these shooting games. That time was really bad when we played house of the dead 2 'coz we really shoot until our hands were so tired lar... Women lar... forgive...
Then came back to get our jurong pass and a "short" briefing on out trg at CPTC. Thank goodness, we weren't any of the 11 having to go jurong island on our own 'coz the coach that was supposed to fetch our students to CPTC can only take 45 out of the 56 of us. But in the end, we got two coach and paying $100 ++ for our trip from jurong east to jurong island....that's so totally crap! Means transport will equal at least $150 ++ ... Haiz.
Got out of the thing after 1 hr...short?? Anyway, then we all met at the fountain 'coz after we left the lecture. SL wanted to drink from my water bottle, and I just dun wan to let her out of fun. Then she was like, " I refill for you later after I drink lah (That is, from the fountain)..." I was like," Then I pour away then I fill in that lah..haha." Woah... she came and pounced on me, trying to grab the bottle from me, while I tried to drink it. And when I couldn't, was trying to pour it away. Aiya...then. She poured part of the water on me. Haha. Pour her back lor. Haven't had such child-like fun for such a long time! But after tt took long time to decide where to eat. Sorry, I don't want to complain, but shulin doesn't like any of our suggestions and she dun wan to suggest and I was like... "_"
Anyway, we had dinner at Ajisen. Oh I so regret what I had ordered. It was soft bones meat ramen. Looking at the picture I had like thot the mean was boneless... think it was me who is brainless... And in the end, wah...saw the mean with what I thot was fats... and tried to remove, till I came to the core of the meat to see the whole stick of jelly-like bones... I was like eeeeewh... got so totally disgusted that even after I removed the bones, I didn't eat the meat except for the smaller pieces... yah. Shulin really took a long long time to finish. Lord I need to pray for patience whenever I am with her.... Went shopping a while, went to spent money turning the slots thingy. But it was good...haha... 'coz SL gave me the green mickey mouse keychain I liked. I really thank God for a friend like her...always giving, willingly.
On the way home. Another funny episode lor. Liting wanted to try the new bus 58, but as we saw there was no bus stand there to wait for 58 in the interchange... We din dare to go ask the bus driver, so waited for the 58 to turn out and see where it will pick up its passengers... in the end, it was at the other far end!!! We had to chase after the bus, went a whole round... like running in satdium... were on part of the road somemore.... didn't manage to catch up with the bus...aiya.
Finally came home. In anticipation whether Johnston replied, but decided to set my heart right by doing my quiet time and devoting time to the Lord to quieten my heart and know that before Him, He is always in control. Yep. Then prayed for Johnston again... have I mentioned that I prayed for him like every 5 hours since I came back from the camp? Of course I pray for myself too... that I will know that I want to deepen my relationship with God not because of him though he is a motivation to me... and that in all these, I will put God and His will first.
Yep. Then I went online to check mail. Surprisingly he replied! It's just amazing how God works! Yup. Whether this is going to weave out a beautiful friendship or whatever... I really thank God to allow me to know Johnston and God in a really personal and real way.
Yes and as I was bathing, I thought of this song which I really want to praise and thank God with...
One day
More than I could hope or dream of
You have poured your favour on me
One day in the House of God is
Better than a thousand days in the world
Chorus:
So blessed I can't take it
So much I gotta give it away
Your love has taught me to live now
You are more than enough for me
Bridge:
Lord you're more than enough for me
Lame joke for Johnston:Q: What's Johnston in a box?A: Box-ton (Boston)Anyways, going ice-skating tml at jurong east. Louis going too. But I've aimed at one. ;) And he is good enough. Just wanted to say this...The coldness of the feet on the ice reflects the very moment how vividly the heart is warm and beating.
Thinking about you 2
Dienstag, Oktober 11, 2005
Johnston,
Hee~ I think still hoping you were the one who viewed my profile. Were you? Can I add you as a friend? What would you think? Was hoping I can bump into you...but what are the chances? Would I subconciously just call you Johnston and leave you shocked why I knew you? Haiz... Two more days to your birthday.
What can I do? What am I allowed to do? What will God do? What will you do?
Questions, questions, questions...
Waiting......
Wow...I just really came to comprehend how alike me and joy are. We had crazily arranged to meet to go wisma atria's isetan to get the free makeover at Paul and Joe. But in the end...nah...
After checking out the bikinis featured in CLEO from tannlines, we went to eat lunch @scotts, which we both chose over the takashimaya one! Haha... Went Zara next. She got herself this nice flora shirt. I want my pnk/navy blue shirt-blouse...=( didn't buy lor...If next time go still have then...BUY! haha... Then we went flowers in the attic. Got myself these pair of "small ring with jap beads dangling earrings".
Now the exciting part throughout we went out was:
1st- we were approached by this Russian(Joy thinks so) who asked us where this place to apply for visas... Joy was like," How come so many ppl dun ask then ask us...must be we today dress well! " I was like,"haha...yeah right"
2nd-After we came out of Zara, while walking to heeren @ orchard MRT entrance... someone actually approached us to ask us if we were interested in appearing in a magazine 'coz they needed new faces! Thrilled...totally! Was so shocked tt I din know what to do...Joy just took the notepad over to fill in her particulars, then I told her to help me fill in too. First time asked to be a cover girl/model!!!
3rd- We were walking then we asw these two caucasians around their twenties. One was like taking pictures and the other just walking beside him. Halfway, both just turned back to look at us then turned forward again! Not for taking pictures.... This one was more not sure whether they looking at us but...yah lar
just felt like princesses today!
We took neoprints before we left the place and it looked great... I shall get the bluetooth adapter soon so that you guys can take a peek!
Thinking about you
Montag, Oktober 10, 2005
cHaRoN posted at 10:35 PM
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comment
Johnston,
Haiya.. Usually the impulsive me would have went all out if I wanted to know a guy. But...I just want to be more reserved and cautious this time... Praying hard you'll never really get to come to the blog to read 'coz I'll probably blush like nobody's business...
Well...still asking God lah...if He would give me a chance to meet ya again or what... but yeah...God decides... Very excited at the moment! It's 3 days to your birthday! But there's like nothing I can do...*sigh* But I will definitely pray for you. '_'
Did a lil' showing of you to my mum and close friends... My mum thinks you're cute too..hahaha... and I'm probably so glad that you truly love God, maybe more than I do...
Meanwhile...I shall keep up with my relationship with God first.
A card
Sonntag, Oktober 09, 2005
Johnston,
Just wanted to say you pretty neat and cool. On the first day of Meta when I saw you on stage, I was like mesmerised by you. It was like seeing an angel sing... sounds cheesy and cliche but it was for once the logically me was blown away... ;>
Yah... you are really an unique creation. But I also want myself to calm down and pray for you. Whether if you are the one or not. Thoughts were all about you but yea...asked God to help me focus on Him instead. I just read passion and purity and I know fully clear the need to wait for God and wait for you... even though really wished I can know more about you yah... Haha... Hope something happens... but till then. My heart is with God and God alone. I'm gonna write about my whole experience on metamorphosis 2005 soon. Catch it yeah!
charon