now is 8.25 am. I woke up probably at about 10 mins ago. I slept at 3 am ytd coz of chatting with friends. today is chu er. I dreamt. abt my ex... irony hur? I don't love him anymore. But then this dream is so weird. like bringing me back to like him yet hate him... I woke up missing someone...but who is it? I am so not sure. Torn between 2. Listening to Jay's songs... it always has a soothing melacholy effect on me.

I claim to be missing someone...but does it mean anything?
I dunno. and maybe I shouldn't know at all. It's gonna get something pulling me down started.
No more sad stories for me.

Push on a lil' ... off to catch his wave.
Heart should be still kept warm so it doesn't hardens.
Talk abt the 2 dreams I've had today and ytd another day.

Labels: dream

Stand facing the glass wall...
Nervous and afraid.
On the other end that seems an eternity away,
stood you.
As though it were a mirror reflection,
Both of us din move;
we din know whata do.
An invisible string from me to you,
pulled us near to the wall.
So near... I feel your warmth.
So quiet, I hear your beat.

So then I realised what I wanted:
I cannot hold you forever.

Stuck my hands to feel yours.
Kissed my lips to the cold wall.

The prints.
They disappear.
But I know this is what I want to give you...
as you and I turned our backs.
Head for the exit to another space.

Wahahaha...think it started this week. I begin to like working!
After last week's of nonsense...only working for 2 days 'coz of mc and public holiday... I thought I might be going into some kind of lazy, irresponsible mode again...which so often happens when it comes to church and things I really hate attending...Guess I am a dreamer after all, or escapist or whateva as long u know what I getting at ya?

That's because I found better reasons to work. and harder probably.

1. ok. got the ntu letter invitation to attend talks on sunday nite. dur...it's already over on dunday afternoon...but wasn't interested to go anyway since fren last minute then tell me. But there it writes: Application starts 1st Febuary...
Ok... better stop slacking at work. Attachment counts grades, and 30% comes from boss' impression of me...ooops. Been letting myself too free at work...always gonna doze off, do things quite slow, and 'chao geng' - sleep in the toilet a while (and I really mean a while - 10 mins). Yah...trying to be more efficient so that boss get her stuff done b4 flying to taipei.

2. Radio... the best stuff to accompany working hrs. Yeah!
These few days been "locked" in the metrology lab... but good. Got chance to hang out alone and do ur own stuff... past had been playing the typical microsoft games - solitare or freecell. But now was listening to power 98 or perfect 10...cool! It's so cold in there, yet with the blasting musik, feels great! And listening to 9.33 yin yue ri ji (which I din even know have in the afternoons 11 am...), you won't feel so lonely inside and the stories are just sooo SWEET and SOUR. Hees. Feel so like a girl again...those days.

3. Speding less time at office, more at metrology lab and cleanroom.
All because of doing TMRs... haha. Amazing time spent at cleanroom is fast... 1,2 hrs are gone like phew... eh.... X time le arh?

4. Listening to my colleagues speak...there's more to life man!
Think that my friends... no matter like say, the more open minded, try alot of stuff before friends or my clique (that just haven't even seen what their age should see of the wrold...), they still won't have as much things to talk abt compared with ppl older... and I only mean older by probably at most 10 yrs old... Like on travelling, family problems, butt of the joke family members, hang out places, interests... it's all diff and more VARIETY. Kinda fun hanging out with them. Really wished I had a life mentor... haha.

Ok...with that... the coming 10 wks should be easier to pass. At least I know I'll be busier and busier... and richer. Hahaha.

Aiya...recently din blog or duno wanna blog down anot...seem to have wished it hadn't happened at all...like if I din blog, it would have been erased from my memories... listening to lang man shou ji...

this song...made me thot I found someone... that could make me smile, make me laugh... but actually, the joke was me. I thot he was interested...but we just touched on the sensitive topic of whateva that really mattered to 100 or 1000 or dun-even-know-how-many guys: HEIGHT.

Ya lar ya lar...if every guy sees that having a taller gf kills the pride so much...I'll probably be single my whole life man! What the heck lor... and I haven't been liking guys that are very tall... and what I meant was they are either taller than me by at most 5cm or almost same...and I dun mind lor... crap lar. It's just CRAP. Like I kanna rejected just b'coz I was taller and bigger sized. I mean what you wan me to do lor? shrink arh...become shorter? my built was like that from young... It's just like being condemned for doing something you din even have a choice in deciding...

That's why when I come to think of my friends who mind the height....I really just wanna tell you...If you have already fallen in love....would you even step one leg out because he's not exactly that smart, that rich, that TALL, that nicely built...blah blah blah... That's why super pissed with such a mentality... it's childish and narrow minded lor... Maybe you haven't been in love that's why. I will only forgive on that account.

So today...."Pissed" was the word. "Get off the way!" was the phrase... The song? Oh bitch, get off the way! Get off the way bitch! Get off the way...

But luckily went running lar... really had to vent it out on something lor... if not almost vent it on Joy...really wasn't intending to, really was sorrie. And yah...It feels great lar. 'coz managed to run 8 rounds today leh... ;) wahahaha. was running 6 rounds le...then decided to press on until I can't and set 8 rounds... high sense of satisfaction. Yeps gonna run tmr again. And like my n.u.m t-shirt wor! Everyone takes note of it...hees! And it's good material and cool cool...*double meaning*.

Okies gotta make things right...bathe, read my bible, sleep early...=)

Hmmm... think I've changed. Izzi b'coz I've been working? Live as though I'm an adult with no life besides working... Or izzi the clique that I've been hanging out with...that we choose to live like that. Just feel adult recently... how I have to keep remind myself of responsibility being a worker, remember to save 'coz keep having to think abt money issues, hang out late nights, club and radio made me lurve musik more more more... accountable to my co-worker in my cell, thinking of whether I can accept a much more older guy (tt doesn't much matter now 'coz there ain't exactly anyone in mind).

Yah man... mind boggling stuff.

And I ain't even sure till now if I wanted resolutions. haiz. did make some wishes during the time of countdown...

Anyway, Broken Flowers. watched with pam. No regrets man! It had a surprise ending...as like most art films...but still, this one's blend in some hollywood factor into the show that din make it all artsy fartsy.

Wasn't planning to watch this at first, joy had asked whether wan to watch elizabethtown but I ain't impressed with the plot. and probably din wan to watch a love story... (maybe such shows are just meant for couples...) Yep...cineleisure timing wrong. so went lido... no memoirs of geisha... in her shoes or broken flowers? In her shoes. Okies let's go ask what's the show abt 1st... and you've guessed it. we watched broken flowers.

Must talk a bit about this... it was really nice...probably beacause of the ending... it struck. The show's about this old man who doesn't think of settling down but have had a few flings thoughout his life. One day some woman sent a letter in a pink envelope, telling him she had his son 20 yrs ago after the r/s ended. and was only letting her know 'coz her son was going on a roadtrip to look for his own father without any clues. Problem is...he, Don, doesn't know who this woman is 'coz the letter's typewritten and no reply address.
Personal thought: Couldn't believe this woman had been so noble to have raised his son and only willing to tell him b'coz the son's coming...

But this riddiculous man, riddiculous Don... who just had a woman, Cherie, left him...leads this SLOW, laid back life... which is so reflected by his house... the 70s furniture...the tv showing black and white drama, and oh the song he plays... slow jazz...lethargic musik. When the woman dumped him...he could only call," Cherie..." , then guess what? he went back slowly to the couch... laid down, held tightly to his cushion, slept.
Personal thought: slept?! after breakup? this guy's really bei4 dong4 lor! Why did the women even like him man?

Thank goodness for his friend, Winston, who was a private eye and just had came to use the internet to help him...When in the 1st place... lazy Don din even bother to want to list down the women he had a fling with before... craps... oh yah, there was this super hilarious part: Winston called Don, " So pal, you done with ya list?" Don," Who says I'm gonna do anything," "you coming over now?" Winston," Yeah...of course, see what ya come up with." Then Winston came in, and took the piece of paper he wrote down and continued talking on the cellphone when he went out," Oh yah...u did come up with a list... great and catch ya again, good night." and Don replied...
Personsal thought: crazy man...but really funny lar...

So they met again at a cafe to talk...I noted something...Don wears the same tracksuit just that it's always of a different colour. What's with him man? And Winston has a shirt with the word "Winston" sewn near the chest-pocket. He gave him add of the women and maps and a cd- mexican colours, saying," From Wintson- to Don" Don felt it was a riddiculous thing to do...and what if the son turns up at his house? Winston assured him he'll be there to take care of that...

So he went... There were 5 women...very interesting.
1) The slut...and her slutty daughter, who so wants to act sexy in her bathsuit and attract the old man...and oh yah...she has hair like a hammer! and wants to drink alot of wine to look appealing as a woman. The mum... husband died...slept with Don that night...and asked him to come back again sometime, which the dumb blonde daughter had to come out just in lingerie??
Gave her: Pink roses
Don's dumb question: do you have a typewriter?
Pink Stuff: her bathrobe

2) The high class tai-tai...beautiful house, dressed nicely... some designer with her husband but apparently still seemed to like him. Super neat family...could have the carrots, salmon and rice nicely placed on the plate. But din look happy. The picture her husband thought she looked cool or cute... to me: guess was the time when the guai girl had a fling with Don
Gave her: pink roses also...but i think this one was in full blossom?
Don's dumb question: do you guys have kids?
Pink stuff: her namecard

3)The animal communicator... supposed lawyer...now discovered her gift of communicating with animals, after her black dog, Winston! died...She looks independent, fine without Don. Don seems to miss this one a bit... wanted to ask abt her life and out for a drink but she's busy.
Gave her: Pink lilies
Don's dumb question: do u have a son?
Pink stuff: her pants?

4) The bitch... he got a long way lost before finding her... she looks punk and lives like in some dump...and when she saw him...was the only one who was so pissed and started all the f-ing... got mad when he asked her did we have a son...and the guys from the other house came over aggresively and asked what happened
Gave her: wild flowers
Don's dumb question: Did we have a son?
Pink stuff: the typewriter!!

5) The dead...died in a car accident. Before going to the grave, he met the young florist before that whom was called Sun Green? Interesting name...and she was pretty, caring and nursed his wounds, which he apparently made a joke out of it - oh, I ran into something...what was that? A fist.
Gave her: The most beautiful array of flowers

The ending: met this guy at the airport...seemed like was his boy. Went back to his house...felt lost 'coz it seemed like the same as before...no answer...but the white roses in his house had withered...now he was watching coloured cartoon on tv. Went to meet Winston at the same place...they wore the same stuff. Saw the supposed "son" outside... went to buy him food and chatted a while...similar interests in women. When he asked him is he like his father? the "son" just ran away... he chased after lar...standing in the middle of the road...the "son's" shadow disappeared into the end of the road.
Just then, a car drove past and a young reggae, punk guy looked out at Don. And the camera turned slowly one round.... then back to his face...and ENDED.

Sometimes in life...there ain't answers...even though it kinda seemed obvious it was the bitch that wrote the letter... still...u go in a cycle...and things have past you by... the black and white tv to colour, the withered flowers... and you're still the same...in the same clothes.

There should be more good movies like these.

Okies. I hope this was really long awaited. 'coz I personally like this piece more than the other...even though my only fan, or supporter that is...likes Elizabeth. Anyways...below is it! Enjoy.
(And please, please, please...give me ur comments...)

1.
I, was at the corridor
was waiting for the call
the call to see this someone
at the perfect time
You, on the other end
rushing for your classes
looking for that piece of paper (8 syllabus)
knocked right into me
"Hey you, can't you see?"
"Like real. Of course I see!"
"Of course I see..."

(Chorus)

I, got her number
asked her out to see her
late by s'vteen minutes
nagging drove me crazy
You, tried on every piece
chose the perfect one
waiting till you pout your lips but... (8 syllabus)
ran when you saw me!
"Hey girl, wait for me..."
"Oh no, the glass ahead!'
"The glass ahead..."

(Chorus)

3.
I, suggested hide and seek
gave her three minutes
found a place to hide
right behind the door
You, almost went insane
calling out my name
finally near the room I was and
slam open the door!
"I bet, you can't find me!"
"Ah ha! So here you are!"
"So here you are..."

(Chorus)

Chorus:
This block-head, of mine!
She's naughty, she's nice!
Please hit me once again,
Lemme feel the joy of pain

This block-head, of mine!
I'm stupid in your eyes.
Love gave my wits away,
earn this smile that fades away...

Note: there is another stencil...but I chose not to publish it 'coz it saddens the entire song... yups.

I duno how to say whether this is hilarious or embarassing...

I was happily on my way home today on bus 200, 'coz I came out the time it was exactly 6pm...so bored at work recently, just waiting to knock off. Yep...so caught the 6.10 bus (which was rare...) and listening to the radio using my new k750i phone...looking around...then! suddenly! saw the guy facing me...(you know those seats on the bus back facing the travelling direction?) gosh. same hue of blue...same kind- polo tee. FACING each other... I was like... "I din really want to wear this today..." aiya... he quite cute lar...but still. Got try to look in his direction see his reaction lar... haha. Recently been trying to test out my staring skills...hees. Of course he din bother lar... but still it's funny.

Come to think of it, it's the 3rd time I wear the same as some stranger near me already... just that hor...when it's a girl arh ( I mean same sex), you will be pretty disgusted one leh...like wah lao...copycat one leh, or why so suay...
(esp one that time same 3/4 jeans and same lycra green round neck top... "_")
But if same as a guy leh...like very different. A bit embarassing, yet feel like fate lidat...haha.

Finally understand why my aunt and her husband got married.

The first time they met, they were wearing like couples' clothing. Everyone teased them.

Sweet.

aiya...was rather happie...finished my 2nd song le... entitled," this block-head, of mine!" well...heard my friend's sad story of how it was an expected ending... to all the crush on a guy. He hinted in an indirect way. Well...of course she was upset...who wouldn't be? Haiz...think I rather bad...just wanted to tell her I knew it would happen...

For myself...so recently... quite a few times of crushing on a guy, then crushing myself instead. Feel so terrible everytime I know the truth...of 'coz it's so one sided...but still, it hurts...dumbly speaking that is.
Ever since the r/s was over...nothing went right. Maybe I wanted too badly to fall in love.

Crap. Already J, S,W,C,B....5 leh. What was I doing? Peeling my heart like peeling the skin of the orange? Soooo tired.

Give up. I know I said it for the 'n'th time... but it's sooner or later sucking dry out of me...Maybe I just need someone tell me that I'm just gonna be unlucky this entire year...not going to meet the right one at all. I should buy that.

Shutting the door of my heart. At least,
stop the noise that tells me to love;
stop the feelings that wants to hope for something more.

Ok. start the pysching...single, single, single... better, better, better...

Man searches for love.
but he can't find.
He forgets...
it's his heart that needs to bend.

Haiz. Lying on the bed. Can't fall asleep 'coz slept quite a bit just now.
Listening to simple plan's ' how can this happen to me'.
hmmm. changed a lot again recently.
wild but supressing.
anticipating what will happen.

Anyway, some updates:
been trying to spring-clean recently...
everywhere from my room... (clearing all the stuff that makes it look so cramp and takes up so much space)
to my computer, to my heart.

So actually it's not easy to clear my heart.
Thought I am forgetful,
but it ain't so.
I still remember who I am,
still remember the taste of love, even though it may be so vague, and contrasting to the betrayal.

Well, well. Tmr gonna try to spend some time alone trying to clear up some mess of my heart, I hope. Time for reflection.

Labels: quote

Wah...Finally this morning that I should have been sleeping...
Inspiration that kept me going...

ELIZABETH is done. the complete song!
Totally happie, content, satisfied with this.
Thought I just wanted to give up on this...
but then...yay!

who shall I give it to?

duno...but anyways, wanna thank pam here for some inspiration of your words!

block-head...now changed to the title of "this block-head of mine!" is almost ready! except for prob 2 more stencils... I lurve the chorus! Will post it real soon, hot and fresh!