Mixed feelings
Dienstag, November 23, 2004
cHaRoN posted at 10:45 PM
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Today was interesting. Went to church to meet Margaret's jie for lunch. Ended up having lunch with all the pastoral staff instead. We went to a nice kopitiam, and I had some really nice won ton mee and the ching ting was... okay lar.
Then of course we went back to discuss. Found great meaning to what's advent and planned the programme. But still must do quite a few things... prepare the materials...blah blah blah... Brought home a christmas wreath from church which is supposed to 'become' an advent wreath, after i do some touch up, hahaha.
Anyway, feel weird now. Waiting to move over two bags of stuff to my aunt's house. Got to get used to there earlier.
Just wanted to talk about working at the restaurant banquet on Sunday. It felt fun for the first time. Maybe the day before was so tiring. But it was because of U. U were there to aggrivate my laughing hormones. Tell me to put stuff on your trolley, block me when I was going to return the soy sauce. I hope U are reading this. Seems impossible but still hope. I wish for the chance for us to work again. It was really enjoyable. I hope you were like my guardian angel or something. 'Coz the more impt position in my life, which is my bf, has been taken. The scenes of laughter kept replaying in my mind. Hope to see ya again....
Moment, Chance, Frustration
Donnerstag, November 11, 2004
cHaRoN posted at 11:08 AM
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I am just frustrated. Yesterday's anticipation and all turn to naught.I don't want to meet you. Because I want you to realise the agony I went through yesterday. I had summed up all the longing and excitement. I knew that I didn't want to get the presents or anything more than just seeing you. "Sorry," was all you could say, at least I guessed that. You told me to be logical, was Love logical? I used to think that way, and found it restricted the wonderful love one could have ever dreamt of.
If I didn't give you a chance long ago,and you didn't give me, we won't be what we are. Topping up with the exact moment at Pasir Ris beach, our lives came together. But now, I feel that you can't see these moment and chances anymore. Is it because you grown used to just having me around whenever you would like? And we have lead too normal life everyday that you can't embrace what might have been instant romance?
(I'm not hinting anything to you below...It's abt my friend, SL)
Anyway, I felt rejected. With SL because I seem to always be the one getting close to her and trying all opportunities to go out with her alone. SL, SL, sometimes I wish you can just bother to call me, ask me out and think about our friendship.I love to glue together. But one day when I am tired, I will tell you the same thing I told you, even if I hate to do that,"I think we are suited to be normal friends."
My Utmost for His highest
Mittwoch, November 10, 2004
I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say,"Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk this way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freel work His will in me without any hindrance.He can crush me, exalt me,or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness.Self -pity is of the devil, and if Iwallow in itI cannot be used for God for His purpose in the World.Doing this creates for me my own cozy "world within the world," and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being "frost-bitten."
----- Taken from My Utmost for His highest, nov 10
A short simple paragraph, clearly presents the heart of man versus the heart of God. It makes me imagine both a man struggling with his chearacter. Most people must have lived their whole lives to achieve a single goal which they had for themselves. But there are some people, who choose God's will, totally giving up all the anticipation in their lives to fufil the goal they might had before. I read of such a woman in the book,"A woman after God's own heart". I finally came to understand the cost of becoming a disciple. God, help me to see this and constantly remind myself to give up things for your goal. Only then can I see you as clear and holy and mighty God that people of all ages have proclaimed.
To Live... is to Give.
Dream
Dienstag, November 09, 2004
This couple went to a place with people gathering and just slacking around. The girl went up a room and saw people watching something disgusting... Not sexual, but that kind associated with discovery channel. She went around and suddenly realised her guy was missing. She found out that her guy is a room with a girl. He explained to her that girl tempted her. When they slept, she tried to touch his butt. Then they had sex. The girl was shocked. Moreover, the girl that seduced was his childhood friend. She just dazed there and couldn't hear anymore. THEN I WOKE UP.
Actually it wasn't. Haha. But from the things I bough it was quite a bargain.I was intending to get a devotional and I got it! It is "my utmost for His highest". Heard that it is a very powerful book. Yup. I'll perserve to finish it. Anyways, I also bought 3 other books at a $11. Isn't that cheap? I got myself a german-english, english-german dictioinary, a german word pack, and a storybook about this girl who is a hidden Jew in France during the holocaust, entitled "Her name is Ren'ee". So can spend time reading this when i'm bored. I'm quite happy actually. Now can write better german in this diary. Please anticipate guys!
Bachorlerette
Montag, November 01, 2004
(Yesterday)
Great ending lor!!!! I like the the way seeing that she chose the guy (Ian) that she was really deeply in love with even though there was another guy that had all the nice qualities, nice family. And she wasn't even sure of Ian was proposing to her. But i believe they chose trust in each other and they will all be fine even after a long long time...
(Today)
Anyway, dear... I miss you. I'm sorry that I always only feel this way when you're gone. I've come to realise I can't love a person deeply. I guess I haven't found the trick yet eh.... Maybe is because I see a person's bad points too quickly, Maybe is because I take people who love me for granted, or maybe is because to me, I just saw one way of love at home, that is to give material stuff to people you love. I just hope you can be patient with me. Yar... Think you should be moving on to another country soon... Haiz. I'm in big trouble u know? My maths is in a mess. I KNOW I hadn't work hard. But then again I didn't had much motivation to work hard. I didn't really believe I could make it. I don't acknowledge I had a flair for maths, or statistics... Ya ya... Just excuses... But then just hope I can get C...
Just wanted to say so different from fluid. (Like I can only work hard for either one....) 'Coz I work harder and trusted God and he made me see a lot of mistakes.
May the last bioprocessing test be a pit of strength and preserverence, 'coz everyone's demoralise and exhausted from all they had.
charon