i dun get it. i dreamt of him ytd nite... hospital again... why do i keep dreaming of my ex in hospitals? and the other character always happen to be another gurl he loves...or rather the ex...goodness.

Anyway. i can't really rem much of the dream... but it felt real. maybe because i was very bothered by wanting to understand why he stopped loving me. in the dream, i saw us together at first... den i was in this dining room...seemed a bit like my second house dining room. the hp was there... there was a few pictures flashing thru...probably mms sent over... showing his ex on the bed, then him, then some children...the last was actually this video...showing everything...

Apparently seemed like the ex was struck with a diesease of some sort... and he had to be by her side all the time... accompanying her.

Tt's all i remembered.

Then the morning, he smsed me...it was ytd's good nite.

See, i told him...we had telepathy. now still. ha-ha.

But then i myself also dunno wad to interpret from this... am i supposed to be happy tt he's supposed to be leaving me for a good reason...or unhappy tt he actually should be loving someone else all along.

I am awake after talking to him ytd. but the missing, or rather the missing part he took from me... makes me conscious no matter how well i look now, i am not fine...

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anyway i went to check the dream interpretation of hospital... since it's been more than once i dream abt my ex in a hospital scenerio... here goes:

Dream Interpretation: Hospital
The hospital is a symbol of care and recovery. If you dream about a hospital, ask yourself, which part of you needs healing. To see people close to you in the hospital indicates that you might hear some bad news about them. Lying in the hospital is a sign that a good friend will help you out of a difficult situation. Leaving a hospital in the dream means that you are ready to start a new business and emotionally you feel independent. If you are sick and you are in the hospital: the plans you've made won't work.

Source: Dream-Land, http://www.dream-land.info


And the one on my cell phone:

Cell Phone
To see or use a cell phone in your dream, indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility.

To dream that you lost your cell phone, represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self.

From: http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/c2.htm

haha quite funny huh... i am supposed to hear bad news but i'm receptive... isn't tt in the first place ironic?

Labels: dream

I miss u.
These 3 words can summarise my feelings since the last time I saw u.

Why won't u reply?
I think i'm fine, prehaps better. Yet i miss u, everything.

Hope u are fine. Hope u haven't forgotten me.

Will anything change after 19 days? We'll see.

i can't conceal. i can't at all. ytd nite was... i dunno. i seriously dunno wad's he's thinking. i'm sure we are kor and mei now. but we don't talk tt much anyway. and he doesn't get jealous when ram was holding me. he's perfectly fine, engrossed in his dance. i know he likes trance. i was there just for him. when shan and the others were at zouk... but i dun like zouk also.

the time i was at r n b... just for a supposed half hour... wad was he thinking. ask me to go back... why din he just rush over to see i was fine anot. or msg me himself. i was dancing with someone else lor. he's my type. but i'm not into him at all. why?

when we walked back holding hands...den we stopped, tt guy kissed my forehead... u saw? did u? when we were near the vending machine, not knowing u guys were near... he removed the indian sticker on my head... u saw? why were u so distracted and unhappy when u saw me later? so aloof tt u forgot to say goodbye?

i know u still care for me. and i won't abuse that.
but wenjun, ur position in my heart hasn't changed. as much as mine has.

thanks for letting me see u once more. thou my head turned away most of the time. the heart is turned towards u.

and forgot to tell u a secret... almost every morning or at some time of the day. i think of u. i think of wad u are thinking at the same time.

getting over u is easy. getting over my feelings for u is hard.

if u wan this frenship still... can't u be more normal?

i am not believing i'm going to write this. but i shan't hide. or maybe, i can't.

days passed. i believe then, every moment was real. the day u left, it seemed to have became a dream.... it shocked me a lot. alot alot. the song "long juan feng" by jay best suits everything that happened. tell me why can everything happen so fast. and i was going into it, and u were falling out of it.

and u chose us to be sth nice. my gurl frens dun have anything nice to say abt u. seriously. and u act like u dun care much abt me. maybe u really don't. i cling on.

then... i felt numbness. i felt minimal pain. i felt bitter. i dun understand why. i think i can carry on... sad ok sad ok sad ok... happy? left. gone.

something precious i held on to. something precious i still want to hold on. something already slipped from my grip.

wadeva makes u happy.
wadeva.
not me.

i dunno why every word in this entry might contradict the last entry. so be it.

i thot tt the past period was like me stepping on mud... and when i thot i was out, i was pulled in again. well, finally things took a turn. really great.

"just my luck" is maybe the movie i should catch. sometimes it's crazy or riddiculous to believe, the best and worse things can happen at the same time, same place and moments.

but i'm happie now lar. really really. i'm glad for all the rubbish in the past. they only make me realise how fortunate i am now.

actually doesn't mean life will continue to be smooth. in fact i already roughly know wad's abt to happen. but if i still stay stagnant i sure will just rot on, and on, and on... but 'coz of that crazy 6 june '06 thingy...den 'the omen' movie, which i din watch but made me realised the importance of really grabbing time...or not wasting... so....

i need time to think and plan i think.

truly plan for wad's ahead. after all i wasted almost half the year already. it's been pretty terrible actually. yah. but i really give thanks. my r/s with my bro is much better....he's been pretty cute lor... caring abt me, then he say he also possesive de mah...hahahahaha. funny lor. when is like he's my bro and saying tt. my mum and i has not really been better la. well... i changed, she changed. but i see the need to want to listen to her all over again. at least respect her, like she said. tolerance...'coz i found a reason to. or at least i believe she will change...

but till den.... her nonsense is kicking up every single day. we dun owe her anything... ...