Did u ever think of me?

some song... as i write this, confusions are like swirls of turmoil going thru me.


X: short cut.
Z: long love.

X: straightforward.
Z: hidden.

X: attractive.
Z: understanding.

X: physical.
Z: logical; practical.

X: sucker for romance.
Z: simply sweet n caring.

X: probably spends.
Z: probably saves.

X: blows me away.
Z: slowly liking (savouring) bit by bit.

X: commitment.
Z: cannot give assurance.

X: nope.
Z: christian.

how can this happen to me?

happie! ytd did two more pieces ytd. think i am slowly improving...like it man!

and i am enjoying it. oh well...and did i mention i've written a chinese song n coming up with another 2 english ones?

if only this is wad life is abt...doing thing i enjoy...=)

Silly mistake during shopping:
1. Buying something u like but doesn't suit u
Then wad abt buying sth that suit u, but u don't like (maybe 'coz it's too ordinary or sth?)
Q: Which one will u wear more often then?

I am reminded the comfortable slippers and limited edition nike shoes entry...

Maths law: para//el lines... Never meet.
So if they break the rule, is it supposed to repel so that they are kept distant again?

Half cooked food might be appealing, but when eaten, hurts the stomach and causes stomach upsets.

I'm still awake.

Dream of someone with one of my fren ytd. No link how come they together...so weird.

Haiz. Yesterday really screwed up. Guess I prepared too last minute n was too nervous. Satring at cue card, stammering my way thru. Dress nice also no use. Luckily the q and a part kind of saved me in seeing that they feel impressed I got to do quite a lot of stuff during attachment. oh well... and rushing the reprot at school after tt. So tiring. But I'm still quite satisfied with my report. Of course won't get A le...but forget it. The mental breakdown the day before was too horrifying for me to wish for it again.

After that went to bishan eat Ajisen with SL and Cutie. Nice! I liked the black pepper beef ramen I ordered. As if I was the only one, SL was suggesting take cab to her hse and sleep... when I reached her hse, within 5 mins on the mattress in front of the "interesting" tv, I dozed off and found myself awake 2 hrs later.

Nite time went shopping with Joy. Marina Square is really cool lor...got all the shops we would like... mango, zara, topshop, miss selfudge, warehouse, puma and nike and adidas...plus all the shoe shops...still need to go town for wad? then had to mention meeting mr j here before...joy...pls...

At the end...still wanna say I'm tired. All this is over is good. But what am I gonna do next? Get a job? of course... spend time on my art again...yes i would like to... jog? yar... oh well. wish that it won't be boring. Getting my treat this week but not all that excited after all.

cheering up but not exactly happie or cheerful enuff.

wad exactly matters to me most now?
hmmm....will think abt it.

Ytd was sharing with some of sis in christ.

Pam: No matter how ppl are surrounding u, whether u are single, attached, married...have frens, no frens...parents, siblings...not close... u will still, still feel lonely.

Ur close frens can't be always close to u...someone will never know u too well from past to present.

So true...life is a lonely journey after all. Ytd as I was writing my conclusion for my report. One has to make all the decisions in life. One has to bear your own consequences.

It's something sad for me. I know this. As I grow...see pam always so eager to accomplish. me leh? wasting time away... no lar. I have plans, but I'm not the kind I can live alone and be happie. I've always believed "two are better than one, when one falls down, the other can pick him up."

I miss God. Strange as it seems. I do, maybe because I know that only He will be the one always ard.

Today was depressing. I woke up at 6.30am. It wasn't time for work. I was having a splitting headache and stomache at one shot. And I couldn't get to sleep. Heard my mum scolding my brother...know she's definitely coming over next. Argh next is expected lar.

I mean why doesn't she understand I really am putting so much effort into this report because it matters so much into me and ytd i needed to just take a break, go out with my frens. I dun bother to explain. She just slammed her stuff... and my eyes were still wide awake.

I was terrified and wanting to cry... not b'coz of her. It's alot of mental stress. I think I'm really the kind tt cannot take too much stress...yet I'm over-doing it this time, I want to score, I want to go uni. Izzi too much pride? I duno... And anyway, at this so fragile moment, was just hoping mum would again come and rub oil for me, let me fall asleep. But she didn't. Was hoping someone would just come over and hold my hand and tell me, " it's alrite. u can fall asleep. I'll be here for u." I struggled like tt for 2 hrs before I could let myself sleep.

Realisation: I still need someone by my side. I mean it sounds crap lar...of course everyone needs. But... As I was sleeping. Dream was all abt me and my ex going shopping... then there was a shopping mall (at town i supposed)....but all the shops were emptied already. We went out of it... thru some underpass with flight of steps. Then was at this place tt looks like shears bridge there. we were at some green grass field....the kids (or a choir of kids) were singing and rather loudly, as we walked we screamed out loudly also. Then we were looking at this building that is so tall which labbelled "temasek holdings"? hur? I duno why got this crazy thot in my head.
But we just holding hands. Just enjoying the scenery...

I dunno why current keep dreaming of ex. I swear (even thou I hate this word) I dun love him anymore. But maybe he's just a symbol of mutual love.

Never mind la... I can live with this now.

Got frens caring for me. Both guys and gals.

Still not feeling well. Sian.

sorrie arh...sounds dumb but i want to recall who's reading...

1. PQY
2. cy
the only two who tag and should be constantly reading...
3. rach
4. Shi Ling
5. Juan
6. Ning
7. mr j
8. joy
9. shawn

hmmm... who else. if u're reading and not on this list, lemme know can? I think should be a few more...

i'm bothered when you're cannot be bothered with me.

dimming lights, faint vision.
she says i'm gonna fall into a pit.
lost it.
shake up the senses.
am i going to wake up from a created dream again?

so afraid.
a while more. a while more.
this road i haven't seen.
might be the one i've sprained my leg...
or the one that healed my soul.

go on...

now just sharpened by sounds. real sounds.
the line...

haha....i'm just so happie today! i duno how should i exclaim over this...

>)

my life is brilliant.

ytd nite was reading my old blog @ freeopendiary. kinda surprised as i looked back...that life wasn't so narrow minded? why did i become so narrow minded, only needy for love? maybe that was why God became so small to me. Hmmmm... anyway was motivated to live life more than it it is...after reading cy's blog also. but of course, i see the way i write my blogs is so different now... i used to just recount wad happened. some feelings. how god appears in this incident. full-stop.

now, i have quotes, songs, of course plus all the love written in the weirdest form of expression and all...

back to today. woke up late and din go church. not really coz of din wan go service. juz not the family day. ok i was avoiding tt.

but after tt... was lazing ard. then i decided... i should be motivated. should do my stuff... my final report, my ppt. yep, went airport alone. walked alone to the expo bus stop. felt good. haven't been quiet and alone with the wind, god, nature like flowers. went mac. had my ice lemon tea and apple pie. sweet. was nice "high tea". listening to chinese love songs. soothing and happie ones. =) (did remind me of dom a while...jian dan ai...haiz) conscientiously doing my work. thou 3 hrs short time spent, fruitful and lovely. i think the guy on the table beside me also got to study well ba. oh! brought my lovely turqoise bag out today. like it after all... have alr turqoise pants and top. i can be a turqoise person! hahaha...

went to viweing gallery a while. so short stretch now, so far away from the air planes. apparently now have one more space from the viewing glass to the next glass panel to the airplane, 'coz of the cafe housed below for those passengers flying off. kinda wished u were here.

wanted to go tamp to help mum get grocceries, plus see my presentation clothes, plus get the click five cd. the urge to get their cd quite long le...like their style. i duno why...after pam predicted what kind of songs i'll like. i think i also realised. aiyo...i'm actually so teenager at heart! haha... teenage love is cute, innocent, sweet, dumb yet unforgettable. never once will u act so silly and still can laugh at urself so happily. so i really love their songs when i heard...esp the pop princess! ytd when i went to search for the lyrics i alr got feeling i will like...then when i heard...oh man! luv it.

ya so i ended up in simei actually. after buying their cd, saw the manhunt thingy a while. oh...so cannot make it! hmmm.. disappointment. why body looks good, face looks good, open the mouth... ok, ok, u can go back. anyway was wearing my diff beads bracelet with the hanging stuff...the one i lost the heart accessory on it :( yah and when i go back already dun haf le... so sad...but got new stuff lar...was asking the salesgirl where i can find it...but she says their stuff is imported so it'll be difficult to find...:(

but we just started chatting abt art instead...and she asked me if i was an art person... i said no, taking engineering. haha...then she thot wad i was wearing was quite arty farty...oh no! i felt quite flattered...

hees. then we went on talking abt art... like learning to appreciate nature, the finer things in life, being perfectionist a lil, training and improving the visual senses, know how to imagine/visualise... and her experiences...as an art student, going to arts sch, her jobs and how she ended up here... plus plus some of her advice to me on pursing art and wad kind of art and so on...it was such a wonderful conversation! gave me her name card and i could go find her again next weekend!

ya...came back watch ming xing ou xiang...been sometime din spend time in front of tv... was quite nice la, not bad... even thou the guy i think better, leo, should win but bryan won and it was fine la...not much an impact on me coz i also din keep catching the initial episodes of this competition. haha.

yea~ enjoyed myself. without frens. without anyone special. juz me realising how beautiful life can be. how cheerful i was and can be too. yeeeeeeee......eah!

haiz. was reading cy, ur blog just now. duno why. after that a bit sad. 'coz of the 3 doors down song? duno leh... upset 'coz I duno how to help u ba. I am always agitated or more really, in agony when I see tt I cannot help my frens...

cy: wish that ur happiness is not far away, wish that ur love for many things will be bolder.

why am I not thinking so much? abt life? is it good?

anyways....ytd, shulin was the problem again. not bad arh.... has been the pain in my neck for 3 yrs already. person tt always never fail to piss me off, yet person that I always feel guilty towards for like displaying my full array of hurting words, and person tt probably in my life at many times, tried to be friendly and tried to love. love and hate into a blender...like oil and water, never mixes. perhaps why i struggled so long and still here. really hope she can be more reasonable leh...and why must koh guan be her chu qi tong... haiz. feel so sorry for him, feel so guilty tt we got him into such a mess.... gossip again. gossip is a sin I always find myself associated with...lost my sensitiveness towards this again. shit.

so I do realise I need you, God. Can't believe I can mess up for pass 3 or more mths thinking I can make it on my own or even for the rest of my life. wad rubbish.

and ytd talking to shawn. haiz. was supposed to tell him abt mr j to dun wan 2 be dishonest to him... but ended up realising I can say sth else. it's so hard to be hiding something from someone.

hmmm... reminded me of tt time I hide stuff from my cell mates... luckily it is over. thank you guys for luving me sooo much. angie and peiwen. this is all I can do...I luv u guys.


Conclusion: oh and I am reminded of the time spent with shi ling ytd...was so short...yet everytime I see her, we have so mnay things to talk abt, she has so much care and concern abt me, I always feel that warmth and familiarity when we see each other. had a great time. meet again ya~

okies...conclude: really lurve all these frens...and yah yah...dear qi ying... duno how come (perhaps god knows...) we have come so far, but yep. I want to always be ther for u like how u are for me...not constant, but never away. I dun wan to take them for granted. never will. on my path to only few of u guys...taught me to love more and deep also. tt even thou I always find excitement in new friends...but u guys are never forgotten.. (plus dear juan also...)

oh oh oh...and dear dear rachel....I soo soo miss you lor. that day when I saw ur photo album and all those pictures... I only one step away from opening my tap. haiz...nowadays so easily...

okies. been listening to songs...if I could ever get into the stupid line for radio station... anyway, i surely will want to dedicate this song: stickwitu to all my frens... like the lyrics say:

Nobody's going to love me better
I must stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I must stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I must to stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I must to stick with you

And now
Ain't nothing else I can need
And nowI'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you
We'll be making love endlessly (okies this part doesn't count...)
I'm with you
Baby, you're with me

So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't you worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us downI
know you and you know me
And that's why I say

yea...esp for words in bold ppl... and oh...wx, zn and clement. it's been great finding back u guys... like finding treasure of my heart... maybe the only few guys tt know me hardcore lor...hahaha.


yep yep... god leh. I really really like this song...I def wan to hear or sing it to my guy aka bf aka husband but anyway, now my love is You and I want to tell u this.


Always said
I would know where to find love
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough
But sometimes I just felt I could give up
But you came and you changed my whole world now
I'm somewhere I've never been before
Now I seeWhat love means

CHORUS:
It's so unbelievable
And I don't wanna let it go
Its something so beautiful
Flowin down like a waterfall
I feel like you've always been
Forever a part of me
And it's so unbelievable
To finally be in love
Somewhere I never thought I'd be

In my heart in my head it's so clear now
hold my hand you've got nothin' to fear now
I was lost and you've rescued me somehow
I'm alive I'm in love you complete me
And I've never been here before
Now I see
What love means

CHORUS

When I think of what I have
And this chance I nearly lost
I can't help but break down and cry
oooh yeah break down and cry

CHORUS
Now I see
What love means

Love love love... thank god, it's love ultimately, yes love ultimately, that makes the world go round, that is central to a man's soul.

Kinda happie...that day got myself a turqoiuse bag and had ice cream and hot dog at Ikea... but got diahorrea the next day lar.

Today leh...morning wake up diahorrea. stomache after that. good lor... ytd talk to someone until so late den bully me and make me angry only... then when he tired then remember that I tmr need to work and ask me sleep early...4 am le lor!!! Anyway...then the stomache was quite bad lor...cannot wake up...this time really not fake one. Then was telling mum about situation, and she gave me this tian cha thingy and then prayed for me...was touched la...finally she's not nagging. Then slept, woke up and diahorrea again...oh man...was for a while thinking I maybe just have to stay in the toilet the entire day... but no la. din. all coz of tt green curry at yoshinoya ytd...tastes okies but so powerful one.

Then was telling shawn abt it... got la...he always say would want to come and ... but can't ... okies lar...ppl busy. And somemore I missed Dom a bit, 'coz if I sick he surely will go all out to take care of me de, then my papa also...buy porridge for me, pour water, cover blanket, take me go see doc... haiz. where are all the caring men in my life? I was independent but alr used to being pampered. So of course will a bit bit disappointed that everyone in my hse also never realised I'm not okay...then shawn leh...haiz i duno... cannot expect too high. but then why u wan 2 say u would wan to come but cannot. I'd rather not hear lor...haiz...I dunno.

At 4pm in the afternoon then got strength on my own to get up and go see doc. Haiz...din eat the entire day feels so light but so weak also... thot shawn had finished his stuff alr but he din...was only telling him I'd be at the clinic...no need to tell me u can't come lar... wad's with me...?

Now finally feel better... but have been having this diahorrea/stomache thing since the start of attachment...izzi I too stressed? no leh... I eat too many spciy/fried food? ya lar...a bit...but now I dun eat also will stomache...sian...got timing one somemore lor... 10am and 3pm. And only happens durin' work time... haiz...rotting stomache. If I still dun get better I gotta go for a scope already. Shit lar...dun wan that...it hurts de.
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Anyway, also wanted to say something more light hearted...yay! I finally got started on my painting again... callma really got good tactics...ytd night went to cut the drawing block paper in fours then try out diff colour combi and painting stokes and designs...cool! I like it! then this afternoon, I tried on mono colour (red) with the neutrals: black and white...Not bad, not bad...did a lil' colour blending with it also...yep yep. But still got long way to go. Colour blending not easy lor...esp to get the exact colour I want...then strokes wise also still need to learn how to control...and I duno how to hold the paint brush!!! think I hold it like pen like tt...must ask callma teach me... hees. that's all for now. Should be churning more of these lil' cards as and when I'm free... =)

Ytd was probably a disaster kind of thing... Maybe it was me hiding for too long. I did not wish to let go of things I held on to... Rebellious and gone far away.

Haiz. At a time where I felt alone in the nite because I couldn'e get to sleep. I sms shawn... Joy called me up after a while to discuss abt her b'day...but apparently I hadn't got much of the mood and pissed tt she lost the paper of ideas that I gave her. Hung up the phone on me. Ok, I will not use any vulgarities here...but I was pissed.

Only after the qn we had asked each other had we come to this thing tt was hidden, or rather refuse to uncover.

His qn to me was: How do u know u found the rite guy?
My ans:
1. I like him more and more each day
2. I like him till I start to lose interest in all other guys, even though there are might be a guy even more suitable for me and likes me, and in spite his imperfections.
3. I can give up part of myself to obey and trust him in decisions.

"Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church should submit to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
--Eph 5:22-24

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all no one ever hated his own body, but he feels and cares for it, just as Christ does the church---for we are members of his body."
--Eph 5:25-30

hmmm...anyway the back part of this verse continues abt the mystery of the communion between husband and wife.

So my qn to him: What is something or someone you treasure alot most and why?
His mum, cos he spent most of the time at home with her.

Okies...same same. I love my mum more... family orientated? Hmmm...

Anyway I later told him my struggles with God. About me straying away and can't come back 'coz I tried and not trusting enough...and of course I had issues I still held on (which I din say...)
And as I cried...and struggled...he was consoling me...not only with his own words...but also keep urging me to pray and dun give up...

the more I cried, the harder, the pain was so evident, the sky was so clear...yet I seemed to be miles away from the right path.

Until I have to tell Him, OK... I surrender...I give this life to you...all these areas of my life tt I am already sooo sooo sooo disappointed with myself, that I think You are too, and ppl ard me too... One by one, from my hand to His hand. Yes...life is a cycle of broken trust...till I've been so afraid... but I gotta have trust since I have faith in him rite? I thot for a while.... yup. should be.

The next day I really felt peace. Of course my life din 180deg turned for the better...but of course after the friday talk with my cell mates, sunday talk with callma...I am convinced I can get out of this.

Now just daily renewed by Your promises....=)

Hmmm...this year has been going extremes. Is it because my bf isn't with me anymore? duno...

Anyway, was feeling kinda blessed...the week before. My angels in disguises... asked me out. =) all my friends tt I was close with in the past (I do keep in contact with them btw). Really glad that u guys actually remembered and want to celebrate my b'day with me...awwww...

yep yep. so was actually hoping I'll get a surprise from someone...anyone...esp if mr j gives me a surprise...I'll be overjoyed! Was hoping someone wants to wait for me at buona vista mrt before or after work...but no one did eventually...=(



Stayed up the nite on the 6th... after I went out with fujuan. In fact going out with her was rather...hmmm...nice? I dunno wad's the word to describe...feels as thou we're back to our secondary school days...just me and her, but always happie to just have each other ard. =)
We talked quite alot...me abt clubbing and her abt her school stuff... even thou not much, in fact would have wished we had more time, I was very touched when she said she wanted to celebrate with me even thou she was broke. and not only tt, she gave me this card and it was really all the heart warming words inside that touched me...that mattered...not whether I get a treat, not whether I get my gift...hmmm...din realise that when u love the person, alot of materialistic things don't matter that much than words...yea words...

12 midnight...quite a few ppl wished me happie birthday. angie was unexpected... but thankful tt u remembered... the thing with me is tt I treat my birthday as sth very impt...but of course if ppl dun rem I also won't say anything, but I'll be super touched if u do... then when I least expect...my first surprise came: mr j wished me happie birthday...was happie for 5 mins and shocked until I dunno wad to say. then of course he just said he was going to sleep and that was it. Aiya...honestly, I'm already sick of all his atittude...guess all along he was out to play me...and now he's already bored of all this. For the 100th time, I kept saying I going to give up...but now I made my final decision to stop. If he doesn't do anything, I shall let him live his life... 'coz I realised before tt, his response towards me also was cold: dun wan to reply me... then I wasn't exactly very happie already after the 5 mins.



On the day itsef...7th March. Was the most upsetting day... can't believe I have to go thru such torture on my 20th b'day. In the morning was nagged by my mum to wake up, no one turned up at the mrt station, got lotsa work to do, esp this colleague that wants to scold me..argh...cannot be bothered...then had serious stomache and diahorrea, the usual already. Then met my mum at mrt station after work, also no one was there... mum made me wait 20 mins, that was fine...but she wanted to tell me my brother was coming along also...then I was like shit lar... the last time we had to celebrate his or my mum's birthday we quarreled until I just wanted to leave man... so was quite pissed...then later have to hear her talk abt family matters...I was just like 'can u spare me today on my birthday?' later met my brother also a bit pissed. Just then my 2nd surprise came: some unknown number messaged me and wished me happie birthday...'who are u', i replied... then called an unknown number... RACHEL!!! so excited and happie she called back lor... managed to talk to her for a while... then in the midst we already reached shaw towers and was at the third floor...thot it was the right restaurant to be eating...but duh?! in the end was the wrong one...Nevertheless the food was not bad and did get to enjoy myself after all... with my brother and mum... took photos... But after that my stupid brother just wanted to go home. So he just came for the meal? Haiz. Sad lar... then my mum just wanted to go this place collect her products and we did a lil' shopping but nuthing I wanted and she just did her own shopping...er...okies lor. But had this fren I just knew and he actually kinda hinted he(brandon) got me sth!!! so happie...3rd surprise. She den decided to treat me ice cream...I wanted to meet up with this fren but he din reply me coz he was still working...the eating ice cream was bad really. Duno why, just felt like crying... then my mum finished her ice cream first, went toilet... was alone... even more depressed. On the way home on mrt, nothing to say to her, she had nothing to say to me either. Was upset that I have to be like this... listened to radio.. sappy songs... at my mrt stop, which i'm going home alone coz my mum going tampines to settle some of our hse matters... played 'u're beautfiul'...oh crap. Just teared... then on my way home leh...aiya...open tap... luckily got brandon and shawn talk with me online then felt better...=) thanks man.

cannot remember was it this night...but got a chance to talk to qy...oh man. It's been ages! so glad that I still matter so much to u and u matter to me too... hope u're really doing fine there and I think u should have grown up quite a lot...domestic godness yea~ last time only know how to fry egg and cook instant noodles... hahaha. thanks for always being there.



Next day on wednesday was also happie...had 2 secondary sch frens...zong neng and weixiang celrbrate with me at this hong kong cafe. Haven't been contact with them until now!!! was our second outing and clement couldn't make it... was interesting hearing them talk abt army and all the cock-up stuff...hahaha...we shared food and it was quite nice. Really enjoyable with them coz they have been really my few close guy friends tt know me quite well... and wx got all of us mini cakes!!! My first b'day cake to eat...yum yum!!! had the chocolate one... wx took the mango and zong neng had the tiramisu...=P







Thursday went out with cy, yanning and huilin... well was just sharing and nuthing much...but still felt blessed to hear about their lives...and I know cy really did care for me and my b'day even thou nuthing much special was done, but I truly appreciate ur b'day sms!






Friday was well...most heart warming to have my cell celebrate for me and joy... thou we only had dinner at big 'O' and the food wasn't that nice exactly...but we really had a heart-to-heart sharing and opening to things. Thankful for the prayer that angie did for me n joy. And I know my sisters are truly concerned abt me. Got shawn to send them home then we went to this place to see aeroplanes... was really nice there. just tanquility. the stars there are clear...just that too many ppl were there... had a nice chat with him thou... realised tt we have quite some common life experiences yea~ poly life, maths, working at restaurants...well, just got to know him a lil' more...so he ain't so quiet. and quite nice also to send my cell mates back. hmmm...but I still think I duno wad kind of person exactly he is...just think that he is so 'rachel-like'... uh... dun get me to explain this part... a bit too hard for now. haha.



Overall just glad this week was really blessed with frens. that it fufiled my purpose of just wanting to spend time with them. =) final report and presentation coming soon. Should be quite stressed I guess... Keep me in prayers k?

-- the reason to love is the reason to give up;
the reason to give up is the reason to love. --

i think need to explain...'coz ppl might not get it. heaven knows man!

1st one:
the reason to love someone is when u found the reason to give up everything for him/her.

2nd one:
the reason to give up on someone, is when u realised is coz u really love him/her too much and want him/her to be happie.

which reason have u found?

this morning i woke up... i switched from 2 to 1. but maybe 2 should be for me. feels like to the moon and back. u are everthing, everything that i wanted...so much for my happy ending.

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yrs ago, my fren faced a struggle in choosing the one she likes and the one that likes her. She chose the one that liked her.

ytd, of course it was to my imagination, with real ppl... what if i'm faced with such a situation?
At this stage, it's so painful, so painful in liking him. But if that another someone likes me, will I just fall for him? So tempting and attractive...

it was then i found the love nature of a girl: to be loved.

which is why a girl can fall for a guy she doesn't realli like. but he likes her, cares for her and... i dun mean she will fall for any guy tt gives her affection... but she will fall for someone that is in her choice but not top priority if he really treats her better than her top priority. then once in it with her second choice, she will really learn to love him with all her heart. whether it turns out well is another...

and ytd was taught how to be a girl...well, which also summarises into this love nature of a girl.

Labels: quote

haha...just realised haven't been much writing abt life...life as in living...

ok lar. still living. i hate work still. but at least now can listen to radio...

the circle of my close friends is changing.
not that the other friend not impt... just that at this period of time closer to this few friends than the others... aiya also good. i like my close friends now. all 21. all girls. all close to my heart. all know me. =)

been FAT. for some time. sad de leh. never in my life have i been so fat. sian...den now i more image conscious le...cannot go out ugly...unless really no choice. like when go work lor. then also realised maybe my self esteem a bit too on the high side. have been told that i'm only ok; average. but also got ppl say i not bad, can be pretty if i duh duh duh...
haiz. all because of going to places that ppl are all superficial...

only look at looks only. ---haha, i like this sentence, like mirror reflection.

mirror me. haiz. inner self rotting. not exactly lar. lack substance maybe. packaging my outer myself more but not nuturing my inner self...sounds like some book tt i read before. hmmm. yah. really need to reflect on myself sometimes. but guess now i can better go back to the more 'nice' self. =) good lar in a way... i'd never want to be fake, i know i'm just rebellious. but also containing the original untainted niceness or goodness that will never wash me away to an extreme that no one can recognise me, like wash out paint faded into the wall.

hmmm.. i'm glad. silent happiness is always good.

anyway ytd celebrat joy's b'day. actually also nuthing much... in summary i did all i can as a good fren le.
1) ate dinner with her at long john's
2) treat her to dessert (tiramisu with ice cream) at cartel
3) walk with her to somewhere near her home...not to the doorstep, but hor!!!
sing "happie birthday" in all diff versions: suprano, hip-hop/rap, christian, chinese, with "fireworks" sounds, jazz...blah blah blah lar...wah lao so tired lor.

enjoy girl! 21st leh! hae-happie, hae-happie, hae-happie, happi burfday (joy)
u've got the big heart and got the act cute factor, and the cats, and d'funk!