hmmm. how shall I say?
Actually want to say in love, also not exactly...

Was letting it run quite a few times in my mind today.
But,
but,
but,
it's silly to like without understanding.
and,
it's naive to like all of what the person is of.....yet not who he really is.
and,
it's dumb to think you can get what u want in love just by forcing it.

Only thankful of course that he taught me to care for someone more than myself.

Heard, remembered. will wait for a guy who will take the initiative, at right time, right place, right person. wishing it would be perfect. =)

Another test...this one super true of me...ha (x 5)

What others see from your style:
You probably live in your own little world and studiously avoid having to search for your own identity. You may feel that you are not loved, and being in your imaginary world is your way of coping with this. You get moody easily.

What your nightclothes reveal:
You are friendly and always in good mood. You are candid and helpful, and can be sexy at times too.

What others see from your ties:
You are kind and friendly. You are an uncomplicated person and enjoy exciting activities.

What others see from your belts:
If there's not a single belt in your wardrobe, you like freedom and are opposed to all kinds of rules. You are creative and very good at work that requires you to stretch your imagination. Your main downfall, however, is that you can be very moody.

What others see from your shoes:
You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.

What others see from your earrings:
You are a sweet and talkative person. You are sociable, energetic and interesting, and get easily bored by the same old things. You are always looking for adventure.

The last analysis:
You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.

did this quiz...kinda funny. din know u can know yourself better in like 9 questions? haha...anyways...here's the results:

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

haha...I am hiding my true self a lil' but definitely no good listener.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

hmmm..not so true here. But i do like serious, smart and determined people...

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

commitment is not high...maybe 'coz I haven't met the right one... know my commitment?...maybe.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

true lar... I really dun like wasting time with ppl I dun want to be close with...explains why I got so lil' friends....'coz they are all close and precious.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

*deh...bell buzzes* though i do always try to give it all the best; perfect or nothing at all...0% effort

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

okies...yuhan doesn't deny she gives up all too easily but well...not that afraid of failure compared to few friends out there...

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Bingo!

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

haha...more than correct...this part is accurate to the core man.

haha...cy...really liked this quote a lot from ur blog... that I kept thinking about it even after so long I first read it...
So, decided to put it on mine...sorry if u really made it copyright... i apologise...but i still want it here!!! hahahahaha....complain to copyright law ba!

Here goes....
I love him for the man he wants to be. I love him for the man he almost is.

Strikes me alot...'coz i'm kinda the person who will wish that I want to change my guy or friends to be something better... yet love more for who he/she is right now. For better or worse....haha...

Just want to tell u all my close friends...love ya!
To: Qiying, Fujuan, Rachel, Peiwen, Caiying, Yanning, Shiling...I'll always be there for you!

Labels: quote

now. want to fall...
in love.
want to take care of someone and learn to love him.
am I selfish?
just want to do something like that.
there is someone around
but I wish for more.
Is there more than what I can ever grasp?
Losing...sometimes think I am so weak, so vulnerable.
so lousy, no self control.

Is it really chasing beyond my dream?
I need someone to take care of me too.
haiz.
sorry I am like that.
giving up so easily.

I like, I like.
Who do I really like?
Christmas. I want to be with....
Become so indifferent, that I kind of hate myself.
but then, I don't want to put on a false front.
Am I still likeable?
Haha....always afraid.
of how others view me.

Determined to love, determined not to fall easily for the wrong one.
Difficult tasks.
Always fall short of my standards.
Wished I hadn't emotions to signal me.

Fall in, fall out.
like now. but afraid. For what lor...no purpose is this weak feeling of 'like'.
haiz. bleak.

woah. on my way home today. shocked. saw a lot of kids, all wearing home clothes. think they are p6. what they wore make me think otherwise. since when was it like that? remembered when I was p6, was so innocent and din even know what is dress sense lor. Then what I saw like addidas shoes, the black stockings and long necklaces and glitter slashes for the girls.... wow! just like teenagers or even adults lor. What is this coming to man? Every inch of my muscles and senses tell me parents are pampering their kids far too much.

Anyways, watched wang zi bian qing wa's last episode. Really nice. Gotten it straight that every girl deep in her heart really wishes for true love to come upon her and be a princess to the one she loves. Even from the wedding last week I attended, also felt so. That's why every girl likes this show ba. That's why every girl likes to watch happy endings. That's why every girl wish for a fairy tale. Hee~

Really happy. I know I don't like you. That ends it. Hope you do see it. Please. I don't want a lease on me. Happiness is not brought about by a relationship or just being together with someone. It is brought about by finding the right one.

God, I am truly sorry for what I have done. Guess I am always hurting you. Sorry for this heart of mine that always sways away so fast but thank you that you always bring people around me to help me through. I know that the holy matrimony can only be found in You alone. Guarding my heart always for You. Love You!

parallel lines never meet. that is something i knew since primary school. Why did things get blurrer when u grow up?

11 more days.

Things have been getting miraculously better. that's what I am afraid of. I gotta hold myself from falling into it. Why risk when I am not sure. No... I am not dumb again, I won't be. But I am really really scared.

I am wishing for christmas. I am wishing alot of things hadn't happened. no chance for anyone this year. When I am still rational, I gotta start thinking. What truth is there is everything that is said, done and gone.

One thing can change everything. I will not be easily swept.

and today was supposed to be 3 yr 11 mth anniversary. why. why?

the guy i thought was cute, L, was found out to be attached.

why do I need to go through all the dilemna all the time?

The sweetest things in life: uncompleted, untouched.

I thought I can get over, I think I can. But.

Was talking to Pam about her problems with two guys. Then came up with this analogy. Haha. Think I'm always good at such things.

Sometime in life, there's always things a girl really wants, things a girl need.
Her feet, can only one shoe:
wear the SLIPPER that she needs when she is barfooted, i.e. to tide over the time she really feels lonely, or becuause she is influenced to think that this guy really makes a good bf or she thinks he is really the nice guy type.
Advantages: comfortable but temporaral till the nike shoes appear. won't be barefooted, will feel happiness because she is loved.
Two types: trail and havannas

OR

the limited-edition NIKE SHOES. The thing she really wanted in life. The thing she's been waiting all her life. The thing that she knows she bought it because she likes it and it's worth the price. The thing that gives her the true satisfaction and no doubt.
Advantages: Satisfaction is much higher than slippers. You know you will end off well. But hard to wait for that one.

Will you wear the slippers or nike shoes?

I was wondering... 'coz given: one you like, one likes you.
What will a woman take?
Most fall for the latter. A woman was made to be loved.
But it is usually a BIG, HUGE mistake.

I want my limited edition nike shoes... or show me another pair with a better fit.

Note: It's really hard to write now 'coz I know you are reading. Restraining and supressing. I don't even know what I really feel.
Just can say sorry that I liked you.

aiyo..today was really tired lor... half a day...doing line tracing, isolation of the heat exchanger E-111 by isolation of hot and cold inlet and outlet, then inserting blinds...the minor of removing bolts and nuts and turning the globe valves with the monkey wrench...so mechanical. Feel like a guy. haha.

sian lar...now's like...i choose not to think. not to think whether i want to wait. not to think whether i like the other. just let things be. a bit of like heck. but...

Wishing for something more in this life.
haha...and guess it'll be happening next week. having working shifts! gonna work on friday morning shift and saturday night shift. means no church.=( but oh well...should go get the sermon notes from my friends 'coz this month's sermon is really interesting: the bible that Jesus read -- Old Testiment (and their messages).

Lord, I need rest and strength badly.

Shuffles of feet...
Rain slips down the supple cheek skin
Paused.
Red, yellow green.
Cars sweeping across, splashes of muddy water.
Above, patches of blues and beautiful clouds.
So close, so unreal.
Down, barefooted.
Stuck to the ground and the legs won't move.
Need rest.
From love.
4 roses, 1 room.
I am silent.
The raincoat I needed. To shelter me.
Be strong again, like the past.
Dreams of courageous heros flash past.
But me? I am a flower.
Easily swayed. Easily fallen.
The wind takes me to another fresh ground.
I forced open my eyes that refuses to see.
I learn to move on.
By that very hands who first reached out to me.

Let loose, let go, let God.

Today, I've been hurt by him. But yet know him better. Does God ever want it to happen like that? Now u are reading, and ur girl too.... what can I say? I dun want to lie and say I am alright. I am not. I just need time. I just need to wrestle with God again. Wish things will go on well from here and I would face realities as far as I dun want to. That's all.

Saw him lor...
Marina square, huge empty area
with a girl beside him,
"Is it her?"

Walked passed him side by side,
din see me.

Heart-broken..*piang piang piang*
"Izzi him?"
"Dun think too much lar. Confirm with him tonight lor."

No leh. It was him, but not her. His crusade friend, crazy one and darn irritating.

Still like him. Why? Willpower? Emotions? Too ideal? Dun have anyone to like? Don't know. Really.

It was really super funny that day lar... Joy came along with me to orchard and we stayed until really rather late...looking around at all the people dressed in their bloody and gothic and rather weird costumes...a guy was dressed as an angel?? yups. Kinda fun coz we were just walking around looking for a place to hang around after the dinner we had at this new restaurant called 'central'. The yangzhou fried rice was quite nice lar. Feel a bit cheated by the tall glass of iced milk tea with chin chow, 'coz it wasn't as much as we expected and it was $3.50 lor.

Yup after tt, we wanted to go TCC, then at cineleisure one it was closed up with the waiters dressing up quite scarily that I didn't even dare to move on. So we tried that cafe at cineleisure, 'coz there was this good-looking guy there lar. But din know what I really wanted, and I wanted a place where can people-watch or better ambience so we decided to leave. Coffee club had a long queue so we went to TCC at Centrepoint. On the waiting list. Went to wait at the traffic juction of heeren and cineleisure. Gave up, went N.Y.D.C instead, had elphanccinos. Really liked Joy's one coz it had grape with soda and these beautiful rainbow sprinkles which looked like colourful snow in the mug. Took quite a few crap pictures....hopefully and upload and show. On our way home to take the mrt... realised last train gone... =( then we were walking out of the tunnel to take bus instead. Joy saw this really shuai caucassian on the Mark and Spencer's ad and wanted to take a photo 'with him'. Was about to take when a group of guys and girls walked pass. So waited. Then when I was about to take that perfect shot, there blast out a voice, speaking so quickly:" Wow..up to ?% sale, now on at Mark and Spencer's..." That was a shock of my life! Scared me lar... Went out after taking to cross the traffic light at centre point, then saw this closer version of that same poster. Joy was like," eh..take leh." So ok lor, take. Then halfway, two guys walked past then I paused. They were like laughing lar... Joy was pretty embarassed but we laughed out loudly too anyway.

Finally on our way home on last bus of 14. Joy was having urge to go toilet halfway lor... 'coz she drank too much of the elepanccino. haha. Kept complaining all the way. Want to get off go petrol kiosk, want to go down and stand, reach already anot? Finally at Bedok interchane then got off and went straight to mac to relieve herself. So happy for her but unlucky for me, no mroe bus 38. Went to her house to stay instead.