it's 3.49am. i rem the last time at hall, i was trying to watch the beginning of adaption. the male lead voices his thots. and it seems, in all the fab scripwriter, in his inner self, was all but just insecure, with his receding hair line and doubts with his ability in winning the heart of this girl which he had thot was awesome and she thot the same too. but missed it.

i dunno why whenever i'm in hall, i can't go to sleep all that easy. i tried to sleep at 2am just. and then i was worried abt the business plan. just completed it and finally felt better.

fat de just came back. i spent the past 2 days with him. sigh, dunno why, supposed to be the same or even better, yet all i felt was it souring. Fat de says it's just me, but is it. i don't like to talk abt money, and i surely do not want him to think i'm tgt with him for the money and good times. but yet talking too much is all talk. i hope he understands. and dunno why he always pauses in a quarrel. how the hell u quarrel with someone who doesn't talk halfway. sigh.

reminds me i did the same thing in the noon. leaving him to shop while he was having a haircut in QB house. then i got paged by an information counter. it's probably the first and i hope the last. embarassing. he mentioned 20 mins searching for me and all, his brother complaining for lunch that was supposed to be bought by him. but before he spent a huge amt of time shopping for x'mas gifts too. ain't tt time? why am i blamed for it. oh well. it was ok after tt anyway.

i had x'mas gift ready the last week for my special exhange partner. then ytd it was pam, but no chance for my bf yet. it's just plain tough to get prezzie for a guy. finally got hints from him, but it's too expensive. gotta be headaching this weekend. somehow till the end, i still feel that i'm not all tt ready for x'mas. at least my heart isn't.

i really hoped for christmas to be warm. at the gist of this entry even, i hope not for presents thou they are significant. but if i could choose, is reunion and really relighting relationships. now where i can sleep well and seek shelter and feel warm, is my bf home. which really is thru many transitions in my life, i really hope to feel secure in the places i ought to be. btw that's why i'm moving out by the end of this month, and i really have no regret at all.

hello christmas,
may me and fat de experience new found love overflowing in each other
enlightening romance for us

his family be as loving and warm as ever

rich brewing friend yrs ahead for me pam qy cy (hey girl where have u been) shan...

and also for my new found frens new level of understanding

for myself peace, love and a more understanding and patient heart to cultivate.

for my family, unity and firmly bound in our ties and home. that it will be a place to grow the heart. mummy's and esp dad's health in ur hands.

and that i will be one step closer and closer to the meaning and child of christmas in coming christmas and year round.

loving all,
yuhan

reading a past entry of urs. i guess it's difficult to turn back time n be friends. i used to keep hoping there'll be one day we can meet in a plain room, with just us facing each other and we can just talk face to face and heart to heart.

i hope i'll see u before i go to heaven.

today i exposed his trick. just like every episode when i was watching the japanese drama, trick series. i feel like i'm the female lead. finally getting to the bottom line.

dunno in the past is dun have courage or not sure or still being nice, not that now i'm on. but i now that i finally told the truth, and 'done my part' i really feel alot more at ease.

i dunno i should wait for a result. the result may not be wad i want, as he already is in his new 'trick'. i won't interfere anymore. he chooses his life. i can only feel sorry for the girl. but as long he has no conscience, i guess his habitatual gf-fling cycle will always carry on.

i just want to sink the memories. good luck.

love is the beginning of all happiness. or is it?

sometimes i dunno is it i'm just trying to be too detailed, i really look into fine lines as and when in the relationship. when my bf doesn't.

ytd i've been trying to decide wad kind of image or meaning he means or is to me. like when u see a certain object, it will usually protray a certain meaning or evoke some feelings or some sort.

turns out to be... i look forward to seeing him. coz he always make me laugh. i know that's nothing wrong. but it's like u see a soap u know it's to clean. for me when i see him i just think he's really funny and looks like every other soft toy. perhaps what we always do is and eat and have fun. which doesn't make me feel like we're a couple. it's not i dun love him. maybe we act like clowns too often a time.

and to think this was quite bad, check out his answer. i remind him of food. gosh. he says coz we eat too often.

i really think it's a joke. but i really dunno how to solve this. he asked me to see his facebook profile ytd under the application 'live it up!'. the one thing he wanted to do was "marry my gf". and i was of coz elated when i saw him. but when i know such imagery we have of each other now, and when i also looked thru his profile carefully. i realise it takes more than just love to be tgt. really. not that i dun want to be with u, i guess we need to see each other more clearly. 'coz i really... Don't believe in extraterrestal beings.