"Zoo" is an extraordinary glimpse into the life of a seemingly normal Seattle family man whose secret sexual appetites led to his shocking death. The film explores the ensuing media coverage and publi...( read more )c outcry that uncovered a secret community of zoophiles, who call themselves "zoos." This expressionistic rendering of how apparently upstanding citizens banded together and videotaped their journey into the most taboo realms of behavior, reveals the enormous gulf between what we appear to be and who we really are.

after i read this on flixster.
1. i want to watch this.
2. the last line is so true.

i think i'm just upset.

i met this guy ytd. i guess for ppl who dunno. it's usual of me. i see pretty nothing much abt it. watched this movie i suggested, " fracture" which was really bad... only the last part was intersting. i guess he din like me after all... from what we talked. it was a weird date. as in i dun feel comfortable when ppl dun look in my eye and talk to me. and what we talked abt... i mean. oh well. i felt a lil different. but at the end he just said he will rem all the lil things... when i causually said since he had such a bad memory he'll prob forget abt the date too.

i miss the days when i felt carefree...

my house turned upside down ytd when my mum just moved everything from my aunt's house. apparently got into a quarrel... she just tried to tell me we were moving when i came back. i don't understand. moving home is a new war all tgt.

as i walked back to my old house to get stuff today... i was reminded.

then i was 17 or 18... with my bf still... where life was still in a neat little momentum on its own.
life had nothing much to complain abt... my bf was good to me, i only taught it wasn't perfect 'coz i not falling head over heels with him.

now. i'm back. i have my laptop. i spend whenever i want. which i din say is good or not. but... my inner life is in a form of disorder i dun really know wad i should do. i tried clearing up the mess, i guess it was really too hard. it's better living with it. thou i really wished there was a memory detergent for bad memories.

and being with shan shan. or is it everyone is like that. they just wan a piece of u for themselves really. as long u're here for them. that's all. i dunno. maybe i'm like that also...
i feel like i'm losing myself.

is it better alone? when i really want my boy to appear.

and shan and gary both mentioned abt money. is really having money the best... buying stuff i know. i like to buy stuff also. but is not what teared a hole in my heart and is not wad can fill it to make it complete. as least for now it's like that...

@the rooftop garden of national library.

Just from an email... pretty true thou.

The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if unconventional, worker.
In the right position, they are able to keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom they feel are worthy of devotion.

On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own business or next vacation. Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long. Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit and feel a sense of purpose.

And if things are going in a bad direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it. They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their co-workers. Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporate culture.

What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their work impacts the entire organization. They need to know that what they are doing is worth something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their unconventional organization and planning will be necessary. Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt.

i have to climb up the stairs all the way to 4th floor in hall everyday. i always want to climb up fast coz it will get more and more tired as u go higher. it drags u down.

life is like that ba. i am reminded of the bastards that came into my life not too long ago. or ppl who walked in and out of my life... they just all came back tgt that day. and they can pretend as thou nothing happen. it's just amazing but that's another story on it's own.
it's just a vicious cycle.

then my frens in school. after sk left. wah it's a whole load of problems within the clique. who don't like who and blah...
and of coz pam's happie with her life. but we do take on different phases in life that i have to keep up with... another stairs to climb.
shan's problems are worrying. and it's times our differences grow so huge, i dunno wad to do.
i miss cy and qy. maybe's it's coz they understand me the most and we think alike.
but i really hope i dun give cy the feeling i'm exploiting her coz i do care abt her life also.
even the best things in life are not prefect.

pressure to work coz no money. mum nags, why u still wanna stay in hall. sigh.

love is not love. as i see more abt this boy i loved quite a bit... his past, his present, and knowing his future. too many things i dun understand. of coz i dun try anymore.
but i'm still reminded of him often. OFTEN.
at times it's sweet single times, times alone.
at times, just hoping someone will be around.
i don't really understand myself.

it's just climbing up stairs. maybe i'll always see a better view one level up. =)
life is all abt experiencing.

hahaha. i know it's super wrong of me to think of such things now... but! just to remind myself... hehehe. the happie things coming along the way...

i wanna.

go hmv buy all the cheap vcd/dvd and watch with pam!

capture the bus 27 route's trees!

work work work (hopefully at M.O.M)

buy eyeliner! and maybe eye shadow?

work it out! with pam @ tampines gym.

arh... that's it for now i guess.

happy coming... holidays!

Today is Apr 8, 2007.

The Charcoal-Burner and the Fuller
A CHARCOAL-BURNER carried on his trade in his own house. One day he met a friend, a Fuller, and entreated him to come and live with him, saying that they should be far better neighbors and that their housekeeping expenses would be lessened. The Fuller replied, The arrangement is impossible as far as I amconcerned, for whatever I should whiten, you would immediately blacken again with your charcoal.

Moral: Like will draw like.
~Aesop~

Just a reminder for myself.

Long ago, red riding hood thought the big bad wolf was her grandma and got tricked.
today red riding hood has to open her eyes even wider!

i dreamt of him again. i thot it would be long gone le. i think it's those times when i watched "conversations with other women" that reminded me of him.

they were ex-huswband/wife.
she already had a cardiologist husband, jeffrey that was 45. and kids.
he had a 22,23 yr old sarah the dancer.
they met at his sis wedding.
they talked.
tranversing between old and current times.
how they met.
and who they are now.
a love that was shared very deeply.
one choosing to forget.
one still holding on.
or was it both.
but then i was reminded of what i said.
love cannot make up for lost time.
the deep love in the past cannot make up for the one that healed your wounds
at least in this show it was so.
they made love.
they parted.
he kept her everything.
(it was a good show btw... but i guess few would understand the dilemna as much as me and pam would)

then at postsecrets.com, someone wrote...
"i wished for apologies to me that i knew would never come."

i am wishing too. but i knew too, it never would come.
he hardly understands...

dunno la. it's just a day where i woke up. and i felt emotional.

there's this boy in my heart i keep. it wasn't by choice. begone.

Labels: dream

must say i like this song recently coz it always smoothes me.
the second one is coz it always makes me feel good. so here it is.

Boston - Augustana
In the light of the sun
Is there anyone, ohh it has begun
O dear you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed this world you must have crossed you said

You don’t know me, and you don’t even care
OO YeaShe said you don’t’ know me, and you don’t wear my chains ooo yea

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts, across an open field
When the flowers gaze at you
they're not the only ones who cry when they see you

You said you don’t’ know me, and you don’t even care ooo yea
And she said you don’t know me, and you don’t where chains ooo yea
She said I think I’m going to Boston
I think I’ll start a new life
I think I’ll start it over
No one knows my name
I’ll get out of California
I’m tired of the weather
I think I’ll get a lover
I'll fly them out to Spain
I think I’ll go to Boston
I think that I’m just tired
I think a new town to leave this all behind
I think I need a sun rise
I’m tired of the sun set
Here it’s nice in the summer
Some snow would be niceOoo yea

You don’t know me
You don’t even careOoo yea
In Boston! No one knows my name
YeaaaNo one knows my face
No know knows my name
In Boston no one knows my name

Glamourous - Fergie
If you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
You say: If you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

[B-Section:]We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[chorus:]The glamorous,
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[Verse:]Wear them gold and diamonds rings
All them things dont mean a thing
Chaperons and limousines
Shopping for expensive things
I be on the moovie screens
Magazines and boogie scenes
Im not clean, Im not pristine
Im no queen, Im no machine
I still go to Taco Bell
Drivethrough, raw as Hell
I dont care, Im still real
No matter how many records I seel
After the show or after the grammys
I like to go cool out with the family
Sippin', reminscing on days when I had a Mustang
And now I'm in...

[B-Section:]We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[chorus:]The glamorous,
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[Ludacris:]Im talking Champagne wishes, caviar dreams
You deserve nothing but all the finer things
Now this whole world has no clue to do with us
I've got enough money in the bank for the two of us
Brother gotta keep enough lettuce
To support your shoe fetish
Lifestyles so rich and famous
Robin Leach will get jelous
Half a million for the stones
Takin trips from here to Rome
So If you aint got no money take yo'broke ass home
G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

[B-Section:]We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[chorus:]The glamorous,
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[B-Section:]We flying the first class
Up in the sky
Poppin' champagne
Livin' the life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[chorus:]The glamorous,
The glamorous, glamorous (the glamorous life)
For the glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

[Verse:]I got problems up to here
I've got people in my ear
Telling me these crazy things
That I dont want to know (fuck y'all)
I've got money in the bank
And I'd really like to thank
All the fans, I'd like to thank
Thank you really though
Cuz i remember yesterday
When I dreamt about the days
When I'd rock on MTV, that be really dope
Damn, It's been a long road
And the industry is cold
I'm glad my daddy tell me so, he let his daugther know. [x3]

Labels: song

hey... haha make it clear here... so tat i won't need to explain... anyway ytd i just collected all the past stuff i had (that had memories of him) and returned him back.

ok the past boy living in the same hall as me. i finally walked over our moments. because i could no longer tolerate a human... being dishonest in relationships. one moment, i saw him with the gf, the next day, i see him intimate with another girl. he's lying to 2 "hers" and on top, making me realise he was lying to me when he told me he loved me and wad about his problems with his gf? even if there was an underlying fact... if he din like his gf, he should fight for his own love. but no. he conveniently places himself in a position pitiful. and i loved him too much... to overlook everything but i woke up le.

especially that day, i saw him at the lift... after i saw he was so close to the girl during the elective. it was that time i aksed myself why he can spend a semester with her but we only lasted 2 weeks. and when i saw him at the waiting area, my heart was beating incredibly fast. it was as thou i've never felt so alive before. yet i chose to forget him. because how am i to face a person who once bought over all my love... yet to realise it was nothing to him. i cannot tolerate anymore. i really really hate his behaviour. yet i dun deny my feelings for him.

i remembered long ago, the only person i really hated... at least when u were around, was my dad... the sight irks me. yet there were times he realised he's wrong and he treat me well. and it was in short periods where me and my dad's relationship got good and bad. i've never met anyone since that i hate and cannot forgive his behaviour. until now it's him.

when we were young.
remembered how we will always remember what our parents promised us they will bring us to the zoo or something... and we will hold on so ever tightly to promises as such... and if they forget or dun fufil... we'll throw tantrums and feel upset... and we'll always bear the scar, remembering what they did... not honouring their promises. in fact some of these hurts grow up with us. cause we're unable to let go of the so-called liar in our lives.

i think it was fortunate of me my parents treated me well. but this guy over here reminded me how child-like i was in this aspect. i can't let go of the pain... so i must forget. and for once, i'm going to an extend beyond me.

seriously now. i just hope he wakes up. be true to someone for once. is all i wish. it's not me being "sacrificed" in this that matter. thou i really find it hard to mend myself.