it's 3.49am. i rem the last time at hall, i was trying to watch the beginning of adaption. the male lead voices his thots. and it seems, in all the fab scripwriter, in his inner self, was all but just insecure, with his receding hair line and doubts with his ability in winning the heart of this girl which he had thot was awesome and she thot the same too. but missed it.

i dunno why whenever i'm in hall, i can't go to sleep all that easy. i tried to sleep at 2am just. and then i was worried abt the business plan. just completed it and finally felt better.

fat de just came back. i spent the past 2 days with him. sigh, dunno why, supposed to be the same or even better, yet all i felt was it souring. Fat de says it's just me, but is it. i don't like to talk abt money, and i surely do not want him to think i'm tgt with him for the money and good times. but yet talking too much is all talk. i hope he understands. and dunno why he always pauses in a quarrel. how the hell u quarrel with someone who doesn't talk halfway. sigh.

reminds me i did the same thing in the noon. leaving him to shop while he was having a haircut in QB house. then i got paged by an information counter. it's probably the first and i hope the last. embarassing. he mentioned 20 mins searching for me and all, his brother complaining for lunch that was supposed to be bought by him. but before he spent a huge amt of time shopping for x'mas gifts too. ain't tt time? why am i blamed for it. oh well. it was ok after tt anyway.

i had x'mas gift ready the last week for my special exhange partner. then ytd it was pam, but no chance for my bf yet. it's just plain tough to get prezzie for a guy. finally got hints from him, but it's too expensive. gotta be headaching this weekend. somehow till the end, i still feel that i'm not all tt ready for x'mas. at least my heart isn't.

i really hoped for christmas to be warm. at the gist of this entry even, i hope not for presents thou they are significant. but if i could choose, is reunion and really relighting relationships. now where i can sleep well and seek shelter and feel warm, is my bf home. which really is thru many transitions in my life, i really hope to feel secure in the places i ought to be. btw that's why i'm moving out by the end of this month, and i really have no regret at all.

hello christmas,
may me and fat de experience new found love overflowing in each other
enlightening romance for us

his family be as loving and warm as ever

rich brewing friend yrs ahead for me pam qy cy (hey girl where have u been) shan...

and also for my new found frens new level of understanding

for myself peace, love and a more understanding and patient heart to cultivate.

for my family, unity and firmly bound in our ties and home. that it will be a place to grow the heart. mummy's and esp dad's health in ur hands.

and that i will be one step closer and closer to the meaning and child of christmas in coming christmas and year round.

loving all,
yuhan