Ytd was probably a disaster kind of thing... Maybe it was me hiding for too long. I did not wish to let go of things I held on to... Rebellious and gone far away.

Haiz. At a time where I felt alone in the nite because I couldn'e get to sleep. I sms shawn... Joy called me up after a while to discuss abt her b'day...but apparently I hadn't got much of the mood and pissed tt she lost the paper of ideas that I gave her. Hung up the phone on me. Ok, I will not use any vulgarities here...but I was pissed.

Only after the qn we had asked each other had we come to this thing tt was hidden, or rather refuse to uncover.

His qn to me was: How do u know u found the rite guy?
My ans:
1. I like him more and more each day
2. I like him till I start to lose interest in all other guys, even though there are might be a guy even more suitable for me and likes me, and in spite his imperfections.
3. I can give up part of myself to obey and trust him in decisions.

"Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church should submit to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
--Eph 5:22-24

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all no one ever hated his own body, but he feels and cares for it, just as Christ does the church---for we are members of his body."
--Eph 5:25-30

hmmm...anyway the back part of this verse continues abt the mystery of the communion between husband and wife.

So my qn to him: What is something or someone you treasure alot most and why?
His mum, cos he spent most of the time at home with her.

Okies...same same. I love my mum more... family orientated? Hmmm...

Anyway I later told him my struggles with God. About me straying away and can't come back 'coz I tried and not trusting enough...and of course I had issues I still held on (which I din say...)
And as I cried...and struggled...he was consoling me...not only with his own words...but also keep urging me to pray and dun give up...

the more I cried, the harder, the pain was so evident, the sky was so clear...yet I seemed to be miles away from the right path.

Until I have to tell Him, OK... I surrender...I give this life to you...all these areas of my life tt I am already sooo sooo sooo disappointed with myself, that I think You are too, and ppl ard me too... One by one, from my hand to His hand. Yes...life is a cycle of broken trust...till I've been so afraid... but I gotta have trust since I have faith in him rite? I thot for a while.... yup. should be.

The next day I really felt peace. Of course my life din 180deg turned for the better...but of course after the friday talk with my cell mates, sunday talk with callma...I am convinced I can get out of this.

Now just daily renewed by Your promises....=)