i think i'm just upset.

i met this guy ytd. i guess for ppl who dunno. it's usual of me. i see pretty nothing much abt it. watched this movie i suggested, " fracture" which was really bad... only the last part was intersting. i guess he din like me after all... from what we talked. it was a weird date. as in i dun feel comfortable when ppl dun look in my eye and talk to me. and what we talked abt... i mean. oh well. i felt a lil different. but at the end he just said he will rem all the lil things... when i causually said since he had such a bad memory he'll prob forget abt the date too.

i miss the days when i felt carefree...

my house turned upside down ytd when my mum just moved everything from my aunt's house. apparently got into a quarrel... she just tried to tell me we were moving when i came back. i don't understand. moving home is a new war all tgt.

as i walked back to my old house to get stuff today... i was reminded.

then i was 17 or 18... with my bf still... where life was still in a neat little momentum on its own.
life had nothing much to complain abt... my bf was good to me, i only taught it wasn't perfect 'coz i not falling head over heels with him.

now. i'm back. i have my laptop. i spend whenever i want. which i din say is good or not. but... my inner life is in a form of disorder i dun really know wad i should do. i tried clearing up the mess, i guess it was really too hard. it's better living with it. thou i really wished there was a memory detergent for bad memories.

and being with shan shan. or is it everyone is like that. they just wan a piece of u for themselves really. as long u're here for them. that's all. i dunno. maybe i'm like that also...
i feel like i'm losing myself.

is it better alone? when i really want my boy to appear.

and shan and gary both mentioned abt money. is really having money the best... buying stuff i know. i like to buy stuff also. but is not what teared a hole in my heart and is not wad can fill it to make it complete. as least for now it's like that...

@the rooftop garden of national library.