i used to be chasing memories. i thot they were lovely... not that i din think they aren't anymore... just that. i think there is a big word love, followed by the big punch called past. it has been bothering me sometime. and sometimes i really feel bad about it.

before that. i really don't understand this part abt me also... i've been wanting this. and now that i could have been blissful... not that i'm not. i just am still affected by myself. always worried whether my guy is really in love with me. no, not that i'm not confident abt myself... i just. sometimes i just feel i need to use some attracting factor. and it makes me feel really inferior, insecure. sigh. the book i've been obsessed with recently, "bachelor on the prowl"... just talks abt this girl, a cancerian, that behaves a little like me... i really just think piseces, cancerians, and scorpians are really girls to be taken care of tenderly... especially their hearts... 'coz we can get so carried away by our emotions at times... we feel everything. we cry, we laugh, we get annoyed, we get pissed... anything. and well... many times i just feel... at especially when in a r/s i feel even more...

and being bothered by the past is even worse. i dunno if he understands it... but i def know the jerk doesn't. sometimes it's a form of pain, sometimes it just itch, sometimes it just makes me explode at one time all, sometimes i really wan to prove, i wan to slap, i wan to look good. this past is just too burdensome for me.

"no u din see someone who doesn't exist anymore."

and just now. i looked into dear's past. i know everyone has one. but can't help feeling tt tingly sourness. that weird feeling. he looked ok. sometimes i just look at pics of couples and i could feel their love. and mostly i have nothing but envying their sweet sweet love. hmmmm. but he was sweet ytd, i knew he removed that ring for me... and for a little jealous girl that wants to be at the centre of my guy's universe... it IS significant to me. =P

don't look back.
=)
i'll continue trying.