hi there! i've moved to wordpress! pls go to charon86.wordpress.com to continue viewing. i think the features there are much better! yay yay. so see ya there huh... move along with my life :)

love ya all,
yuhan

i admit this is a rescue blog. meaning to say, if i'm not writing now, i'm probably closing down this blog. anyway of such, it's not that i have NOTHING to write. oh well, sometimes. but i'm really trying to cope with this NEW life as well. it's not been particularly easy. actually the changes are much overnight. just that i don't seem to realise or i cope with it too slowly. but nevertheless, i'm still much the same. of coz some things made my life better, some things worse. it's better not to dwell on it i realise. especially after making known my family circumstances to this new group of ppl i met not too long ago. actually i did felt weird. which is wad i refer to the SHOCKINGLY sudden changes but only shock u after a while. yea, get on with it. it's still better to take it on postively, UNLESS you make it a point to sink with it.

anyway there seems so much to say now. i'm reminded of one incident after another. i think i'm always a crazy random person. when the ideas come, they don't stop. how i like such a way of life, coz i realise the other things in my life also always come in pairs, and not to mention they are usually good. as least good in the sense i make out of it. ok one thing at a time man.

1. i helped my fren to "resolve" her one time load and burning questions of the-man-of-her-life. It's strange, u know. people always engage in problems that are repitive or they just simply trap themselves in it. the solution is like RIGHT there, and u just say, "no no, i'm going the other way." i don't blame of coz, considering i'm also one of those. it's just that i'll really wan to make a good reminder: REALISE IT EARLY ya? making repeated mistakes is ugly, UGLY.

ya, which reminds me i've been guruing for my frens in their love problems for a long time. actually i do enjoy it. love to a woman is probably like pride to a man. argh doesn't sound very apt but what i'm trying to say is tt it's a HUGE thing ya? maybe dick was a better word. oh well. but of coz it doesn't apply to some (haha. u know i'm talking abt ...)
i actually can imagine myself engaging in such lifetime services. not as of an official counsellor. but something like katherine heigl in '27 dress.

yah talking abt big small changes. i OFFICIALLY announce i moved house.
yea and along with that came some pretty funny changes that happened to me. the mind is now resolve to doing things immediately after coming up ideas with it. and so, for past few weeks, i have been ACTIVELY studying, mind you. and of coz faithfully attending most lessons except that day when i had my usual, Cramps. and also since i was in the vinicinity of LOVE, embracing time with my fat de is definitely a must. i'm trying to explain for times u find me missing. then then there was FACEBOOK. facebook is a time occupying mindless activity that u do that u make good attempts of completing your life in the virtuals that u probably either can't do or won't do in your life. so it's an other life. haha. and then it was the lab reports, and then it was talking with shan shan. and then nothing else. everything here is nicely listed in % time allowances.

of coz moving over here also saves time in doing housework for me, but of which is nicely compensated by time that brother's homecoming creates terror for everyone. argh. talk abt the both of them disappearing. my mother's the magician and i'm the assistant u see. so she decides.

and anyway i've also been wondering wad kind of job i'll been doing when i come out. maybe because i'm too much with sch work it's better fantasizing abt other more beautiful things. ea and besides one i mentioned just now. i do wan to become a novel writer. i was really thinking abt seeing this person on the street and justing biblograph her or him with another unknown. and then make a good prediction of wad happens to them some time later. i'll make this known as 'stranger literal encounter stories'. sounds cool huh? i think it'll be a hit. maybe i should start trying.

actually i always reminded. i always have many dreams. but i dun dare dream big. maybe it has to do with sheer fact i'm afraid i won't carry it to the end. but i dun wan to die in vain. besides, this is the TIME, ain't it?

i still wan fashion designing. there'll always be this moment that some fabulous design comes to my head and i really want to just on the spot make the dress or clothe out. it's the 'artist' brain in me.

i have spur-of-the-moment cranky ideas. and after reading from somewhere that someone's favourite phrase is 'make it work', now it's my life.

when in time, will i realise these dreams i think of all the time in my youth. :P

everything went REALLY well today. thou it was boring for the lessons...

we were going to buy the physical chem textbook at NIE. As usual it was a huge line of queue for the first day. BUT, the lady just asked the other person to hand the books to her... and, we paid! after which, thou we had lunch and we were supposed to clear it. ooops! i forgot tt at sch need to clear plates. but the aunty clear for us! then go photocopy machine jam jam jam. but alas! we rem the photocopy sevice offered to students at north spine. so went there. :)

after lesson (with the new analytical chem teacher - oddly interesting and not so) , was supposed to meet bryan and shan. but i wanted to go out with pris and hy they all also. finally decided to let them go first and meet brian and shan. and join them later when they decided the venue. which... i ended up at town sitting brian's family car and we were laughing all the way with the convo with pat on the phone and ended with some jokes abt... ahem. haha. yah and it turned out to be pretty enjoyable with a small chat of life updates and experiences. yet again.

somehow it made me realise, that apart from looking at bryan brian, he's pretty much normal like us. not tt he's not normal. it's just i used to think rich ppl have the unreachable gap when socializing. and sometimes being with shan seemed to have twisted my image of bryan a bit. but yah, the way he thinks abt certain things is pretty much the way i do.

in all, it was really a pleasant day to rem. apart from the quarrels in the morn.

it's 3.49am. i rem the last time at hall, i was trying to watch the beginning of adaption. the male lead voices his thots. and it seems, in all the fab scripwriter, in his inner self, was all but just insecure, with his receding hair line and doubts with his ability in winning the heart of this girl which he had thot was awesome and she thot the same too. but missed it.

i dunno why whenever i'm in hall, i can't go to sleep all that easy. i tried to sleep at 2am just. and then i was worried abt the business plan. just completed it and finally felt better.

fat de just came back. i spent the past 2 days with him. sigh, dunno why, supposed to be the same or even better, yet all i felt was it souring. Fat de says it's just me, but is it. i don't like to talk abt money, and i surely do not want him to think i'm tgt with him for the money and good times. but yet talking too much is all talk. i hope he understands. and dunno why he always pauses in a quarrel. how the hell u quarrel with someone who doesn't talk halfway. sigh.

reminds me i did the same thing in the noon. leaving him to shop while he was having a haircut in QB house. then i got paged by an information counter. it's probably the first and i hope the last. embarassing. he mentioned 20 mins searching for me and all, his brother complaining for lunch that was supposed to be bought by him. but before he spent a huge amt of time shopping for x'mas gifts too. ain't tt time? why am i blamed for it. oh well. it was ok after tt anyway.

i had x'mas gift ready the last week for my special exhange partner. then ytd it was pam, but no chance for my bf yet. it's just plain tough to get prezzie for a guy. finally got hints from him, but it's too expensive. gotta be headaching this weekend. somehow till the end, i still feel that i'm not all tt ready for x'mas. at least my heart isn't.

i really hoped for christmas to be warm. at the gist of this entry even, i hope not for presents thou they are significant. but if i could choose, is reunion and really relighting relationships. now where i can sleep well and seek shelter and feel warm, is my bf home. which really is thru many transitions in my life, i really hope to feel secure in the places i ought to be. btw that's why i'm moving out by the end of this month, and i really have no regret at all.

hello christmas,
may me and fat de experience new found love overflowing in each other
enlightening romance for us

his family be as loving and warm as ever

rich brewing friend yrs ahead for me pam qy cy (hey girl where have u been) shan...

and also for my new found frens new level of understanding

for myself peace, love and a more understanding and patient heart to cultivate.

for my family, unity and firmly bound in our ties and home. that it will be a place to grow the heart. mummy's and esp dad's health in ur hands.

and that i will be one step closer and closer to the meaning and child of christmas in coming christmas and year round.

loving all,
yuhan

reading a past entry of urs. i guess it's difficult to turn back time n be friends. i used to keep hoping there'll be one day we can meet in a plain room, with just us facing each other and we can just talk face to face and heart to heart.

i hope i'll see u before i go to heaven.

today i exposed his trick. just like every episode when i was watching the japanese drama, trick series. i feel like i'm the female lead. finally getting to the bottom line.

dunno in the past is dun have courage or not sure or still being nice, not that now i'm on. but i now that i finally told the truth, and 'done my part' i really feel alot more at ease.

i dunno i should wait for a result. the result may not be wad i want, as he already is in his new 'trick'. i won't interfere anymore. he chooses his life. i can only feel sorry for the girl. but as long he has no conscience, i guess his habitatual gf-fling cycle will always carry on.

i just want to sink the memories. good luck.

love is the beginning of all happiness. or is it?

sometimes i dunno is it i'm just trying to be too detailed, i really look into fine lines as and when in the relationship. when my bf doesn't.

ytd i've been trying to decide wad kind of image or meaning he means or is to me. like when u see a certain object, it will usually protray a certain meaning or evoke some feelings or some sort.

turns out to be... i look forward to seeing him. coz he always make me laugh. i know that's nothing wrong. but it's like u see a soap u know it's to clean. for me when i see him i just think he's really funny and looks like every other soft toy. perhaps what we always do is and eat and have fun. which doesn't make me feel like we're a couple. it's not i dun love him. maybe we act like clowns too often a time.

and to think this was quite bad, check out his answer. i remind him of food. gosh. he says coz we eat too often.

i really think it's a joke. but i really dunno how to solve this. he asked me to see his facebook profile ytd under the application 'live it up!'. the one thing he wanted to do was "marry my gf". and i was of coz elated when i saw him. but when i know such imagery we have of each other now, and when i also looked thru his profile carefully. i realise it takes more than just love to be tgt. really. not that i dun want to be with u, i guess we need to see each other more clearly. 'coz i really... Don't believe in extraterrestal beings.

i just finished watching black jack. great.

saw the new house in progress, guess i'm looking forward despite the problems.

most of all, i miss fat de. touched by his little actions. love my boy.