Disclaimer: can I first say I din type this out of anger? 'coz it happened yesterday... and yet today, this very morning I woke up I'm still hurt by it. And I din write this to complain. I need to release my own emotions.

I have a few close girl friends. I am very glad that until now, they always have been with me and stuck thru thick and thin. I dun even care if I have to mention them how many hundred times in my list... and tell them how much they matter to me or even do crazy things for them, I also will go to do it if it's within my means.

And so besides these circle of frens, plus my cell frens, most ppl dun matter to me... like how? like I won't initate a conversation too deep or ask to go out or bother abt u at all... aiya, basically these ppl in my head is just a name.

Recently, lucky to have found quite a few guy friends ('coz since sec 2, my good guy frens was reduced to 0). Amazingly, they all can actually talk quite alot like my secondary guy frens, which apparently i also recently then met up with them again and really enjoyed their company.

okay okay... to mine guy frens. i hope u guys won't like...erm, this is weird... i am really thankful that u guys appeared at the rite time, the club guys: brandon, weiming and ram...

brandon: thanks for buying me a gift, being there when I was crying like nobody's business. weiming: thanks for always entertaining me, listening to my problems, u make me smile. n u have been really a fren tt appreciates me and i do the same for u too...
ram: always humouring me, and in occasional times coming to talk to me online to show me u still rem me thou i dun club anymore.

and and... my sec sch guy frens: wei xiang, zong neng, clement
weixiang: thanks for being so sweet to have rem my b'day and ask me out. u cheered me up! always nice, always honest.
zong neng: it's been great having u ard always, 'coz we always click on wadeva chinese crazy topics we talk abt and critic personality on those irritating ppl that makes us mad! haha. thanks for being there
clement: my dear boy boy, aiyo...been ur mum for soooo long. Never really take care of u lar... but really enjoy ur cranky and bubbly and well..."girly" personality. u can definitely make it as a bitch! hahaha....

and to my recently acknowledged kor: even thou at our age, this really sounds dumb, but appreciate the fact u always unknowningly there at times, that u teach me on running...and our similar interests in art. i know u truly care. thanks.

last one, this was the one that disappoint me. haiz. i treasure frens alot de, and i would do anything for them de. it warms my heart that u have been caring so much for me, especially the times when i have been sick... those much of ur promises were empty lar... but still. it's nice to know tt u really want to know more abt me.

but great, yesterday i had to realise something ugly. the pic that we took, u din wan to see, u din ask for it. thanks man. am i so insignificant in ur life tt it's just another photo of u taken with someone else that i can keep it for myself? then why did we take the pic? i forced u one izzi? then like tt the significance of the photo is already lost le ma... if it is not personal, isn't it just like those fans asking for their idol to take pic that kind of shallow r/s? why dun u give me an explanation for it? u dun think i force u, neither did u think i over-react... so wad's on ur head then?

did i really ask for it this time? if like u say, we need more time to know each other...
wan to spend time or go out...u dun have time; busy with ur stuff.
then talk online u initiate but also have nuthing to say.
u feel uneasy talking to someone u are not close with on the phone.
then?

there's a lot of ur things on the back of ur mind. and u dun wan to say. i won't force.
but dun u think tt being like tt: not completely honest, or rather choking up urself halfway when u say sth... only widens the gap between us? no, i'm not talking abt any lovey dovey stuff. i'm talking abt frenship.

i treat u as a good fren, u treat me as sth close; at least tt's wad u say. but why do i always find a diff in wad u say and do? is it me picking too much on the details? good frens like tt... i duno how are we to carry on. maybe we are just good frens.

i really hope u will honestly tell me wad u are thinking at least.