Ytd was sharing with some of sis in christ.

Pam: No matter how ppl are surrounding u, whether u are single, attached, married...have frens, no frens...parents, siblings...not close... u will still, still feel lonely.

Ur close frens can't be always close to u...someone will never know u too well from past to present.

So true...life is a lonely journey after all. Ytd as I was writing my conclusion for my report. One has to make all the decisions in life. One has to bear your own consequences.

It's something sad for me. I know this. As I grow...see pam always so eager to accomplish. me leh? wasting time away... no lar. I have plans, but I'm not the kind I can live alone and be happie. I've always believed "two are better than one, when one falls down, the other can pick him up."

I miss God. Strange as it seems. I do, maybe because I know that only He will be the one always ard.

Today was depressing. I woke up at 6.30am. It wasn't time for work. I was having a splitting headache and stomache at one shot. And I couldn't get to sleep. Heard my mum scolding my brother...know she's definitely coming over next. Argh next is expected lar.

I mean why doesn't she understand I really am putting so much effort into this report because it matters so much into me and ytd i needed to just take a break, go out with my frens. I dun bother to explain. She just slammed her stuff... and my eyes were still wide awake.

I was terrified and wanting to cry... not b'coz of her. It's alot of mental stress. I think I'm really the kind tt cannot take too much stress...yet I'm over-doing it this time, I want to score, I want to go uni. Izzi too much pride? I duno... And anyway, at this so fragile moment, was just hoping mum would again come and rub oil for me, let me fall asleep. But she didn't. Was hoping someone would just come over and hold my hand and tell me, " it's alrite. u can fall asleep. I'll be here for u." I struggled like tt for 2 hrs before I could let myself sleep.

Realisation: I still need someone by my side. I mean it sounds crap lar...of course everyone needs. But... As I was sleeping. Dream was all abt me and my ex going shopping... then there was a shopping mall (at town i supposed)....but all the shops were emptied already. We went out of it... thru some underpass with flight of steps. Then was at this place tt looks like shears bridge there. we were at some green grass field....the kids (or a choir of kids) were singing and rather loudly, as we walked we screamed out loudly also. Then we were looking at this building that is so tall which labbelled "temasek holdings"? hur? I duno why got this crazy thot in my head.
But we just holding hands. Just enjoying the scenery...

I dunno why current keep dreaming of ex. I swear (even thou I hate this word) I dun love him anymore. But maybe he's just a symbol of mutual love.

Never mind la... I can live with this now.

Got frens caring for me. Both guys and gals.

Still not feeling well. Sian.