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i wish...
A time for everything. Letting Go. ♥
pain of loss
Freitag, April 28, 2006
cHaRoN posted at 10:25 PM

!!!warning!!!
below may contain explicit content... rather things u might quite unexpect... so read on only if u think u can face me after that.

there are times u become very afraid... fear intoxicated...petrified. and i happened to experience that today.

i was walking to this shop to borrow vcd. apparently i had like 2 plus hrs to cell... so u know... then after that, i walked along the road of this sch. was alrite listening to music. then wanted to wait at this bus-stop. but the longer i waited, wad i thot i wanted, i started fearing instead...tt i will see someone. till i decided to just walk on. then on my playlist...started to play my blog's song... heng xing de heng xin. woah... i was overwhelmed. almost like breaking down. but trying to breathe deeply.

den after tt was a disaster tt i dun ever wish to experience again... i was walking into the blocks, staring deeply into nuthing, blank. choking, as though there were tears, but not out. letting my feet take me...

u know like wishing...

i wanted to crush some paper
or slam my fists into the tree bark... poor trees... at every tree the urge was there
or knock urself into some wall
or bite the back of my palm (until there is a mark) -- sth i did when i was young, when i was very very upset or angry
or... just walking and wished ur senses din give u enuff to allow some car to knock u... didn't

so i was still in one piece.

of course after tt during cell i was encouraged by these grp of ppl ard me still here...

but if some things can't be taken away yet... let me continue to learn.
That gurl

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