since before i went china, decision to forget... was trying to find other stuff to replace. and i know the best is in seeing true mutual love between others instead. on the flight there, watched "memoirs of a geisha", persistent love with a good ending finally. on my way back, " say 'i love u', again" and "spring snow"... i cried for the former, losing one u loved twice is truly painful. the latter, amazed me in how daring a girl could be in her generation of 1900s jap cultural background in only expressing her love without using words. And how the college duke, in indulging all his father's wealth and yet promising his grandma to lead a purer life, after this snob brat wrote his letter of lies to tell sakoto-san (the noblewoman 2 yrs older than her) and trying to get his fren to date her, ultimately realises he is in love with her.
i'm amazed with their love because it was all without words... moments of impulsion but yet was back-up with the strong desire of wanting (to be with) each other... the time she just came over in a carriage to ask him to come over and view the snow together in the carriage, he kissed her the first time there... the second in a formal gathering, where she met the imperial prince that she later was bethrothed to....as they were watching the film, kimi-san (the college duke) came out, and even thou she sat inside she also came out, and he kissed her again. she rejected... only coz she was afraid ppl will see. the last time, he was rejecting her letters, when she was trying to tell him she was already bethrothed and wanted to wait for him to say something, he burned the letters, and tore them... finally then realised tt...went to find her, and in the subconscious of knowing tt both of them will be punished for their act of affection coz sakoto was already the bethrothed finace of the imperial prince... it was beautiful... they make love. the only reason i am not disgusted with such an act in a movie coz it was a love sealed in fate. i din manage to watch till the end of the film... the plane touched down. but i guess they couldn't be together 'coz she became a nun to save her child from being aborted. his repeated dreams of her being in a coffin, and this last dream of japanese ancestor table without the female companion, and sakoto leaving in a boat and asking him, "wad will u do if i disappear?", and also their childhood poem cards will be all kept with him.
besides watching these films, i got my two moomins. Yes, it's a pair of guy and gurl. i alwaes feel happie now i see them... discovered jus why, it's only a concealor to wad i am hoping for... but i still decided i will give one to my other half, just someday.
recently been dreaming repeatedly...diff scenerios, but always same idea behind, i met the guy i like... and we fall in love. haiz...not good. now i've just become transiting between 2 worlds of me, the strong one to show i can be well off alone (and i'm getting better), the inner weak one blocking out all reality in creating my idealistic world like every of those love dramas with a good ending.
adaption is still in progress i guess. now i know, there's a part of me which is also not bold enough.
Labels: dream
charon