haha here i am at my part 2. actually as i realised i really see and seek love. i always always wonder abt how love works. esp the love-love u know?

to me it's always a mystery and wonder why i am attracted to certain ppl, and more interesting why ppl are attracted to me.

ppl always list many criterias they would really love of their other half to have. but sometimes just in a 5 sec first impression of a person can throw u in a wonder why u would disregard those criterias u set for urself and him.

haha so today, i'm going to use the most rational brain of mine... thou i know i'm probably one of the most irrational ppl u've met when it comes to love, to evaluate my whys and hows.

The interVieW...

Q: why do u like him? why did u still like him knowing the circumstances?

Hmmm. the 5 sec impression? haha. bullshit lor. i din fall for him at first sight definitely. or it would have been at 15. why now? attraction. maybe. but time proved and showed alot of him to me. maybe it was the things he said, or wad i observed. tt made me see he's unique and different from the rest.

knowing the circumstances arh. brave ba. be brave for once. which of 'coz i reminded myself of pain before... but still. i guess the heart has a bigger say than the brain in yuhan. sad arh. brains, find urself another home sometime k? hehe.

Q: why does he like u then?

Ooops. Probably if i had spent the entire sem doing tt qn... i still haven't gotten an answer. i have nothing good to boast about as a girl compared to many. u figure out.

Q: why is it so hard to forget when it's so short?

it's a secret. hehe. because he's hard to forget? nah la... i guess. there are ppl who leave impressions, deep impressions. there are ppl u fall for, and never get out of the hole. hahaha. or maybe, still waiting for someone else to overwrite him. actually the person herself is not too sure of this answer, since she always strives to persist and be faithful.

Q: Would u have choosen to not met him?

I would have choosen to have loved him more.

Q: Would you have wanted to be his gf instead?

Very unsure about this question. 'coz i have never imagined too much of us tgt as a couple. we would have complimented each other, but also the things we like to do are a little bit... different?
And it's always very... super duper impt for me to know i'm the one he loves the most right there and then. being the gf would have probably assured of this. but then again, who knows.
yet of coz... being the gf has many benefits to begin with. can spend time together legally i suppose. sounds funny. love can definitely be made known. blah blah.

to me. i would still very much like to think we can spend a lifetime tgt more than bf-gf.

Q: why do u always avoid him?

haha. when one avoids another. it's always presumed that because he or she doesn't like the person.

yet, i have the strangest natural response to him when i see him. shun.
because... because because... sometimes. i just dunno what to say?!?!?!?!
because i am so super afraid and nervous. scare he dao me la, scared to talk abt the shameful past, scared to hear things i dun wan to.

fujuan calls that dumb. yah. i believe so. tut tut no. 1 wad...

can't he tells i'm waiting for him to speak first? oh gosh...

Q: do u think he still likes u?

No... but i hope yes.
It's probably upmost priority and duty to love the one he loves the most. and i know who's the lucky girl.

Q: so do u still like him? why?

i'm afraid so. the why part is disgusting. i am not too sure myself... but i'll try to rationalise this.

sometimes well. i think to myself... yea. ya he's the guy tt makes me want to do like almost everything for him. and he opens up so much to me... and when we were tgt we were really happie and all.

sometimes i'm afraid it's just me pushing for something. hoping it will and kinda must have an ending.

sometimes i think it's just because he's something i can't have and i just want to have the feel of having him.

sometimes i think it's just a lingering memory tt will kicked out someday when someone else appears.

Q: still hoping for a someday tgt?

i only keep reminding myself this, " what's meant to happen, will happen eventually."

if yes, then yes. if no, then no.

i believe that since we could meet after 5 yrs... and i rem him. anything can happen. =)

aftermath:
felt that it's been such a long time, and looking at you still makes me feel xin teng for you in some way or another. whatever u are at now, hope u are doing well. the present me just hopes to have a stable and contented life. and i wish really, if someday things are meant for us... we will be able to watch the stars and moon again and rem this late occurance of love, was never too late for us to love again.